depression
Sara Stanizai
From Survival to Softness: Lessons from The ...

by Brianna Patti.

“It can be easier to believe resting is simply about retiring to your bed when you are tired instead of beginning the messy process of deconstructing your own beliefs and behaviors that are aligned with white supremacy and capitalism. You must be committed to studying how training under the abusive teachings of dominant culture has you bound and limited. This is healing work. This is justice work. When we are aligned against the ideas of the oppressive culture, we understand we didn’t arrive on Earth to be a tool for a capitalist system.”

― Tricia Hersey, Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto

Like many therapists, I have a very long list of books that I try to keep up with. This job benefits from constant learning, and I get really excited when a client mentions something that’s directly related to what I’ve read recently. If you’re under the capitalistic spell of hustle culture, body shame, and/or a sense of disappointment about the aesthetics of the clutter in your home, stick with me on this one. 

From Survival to Softness: Lessons from The Body Is Not an Apology, Rest Is Resistance, and How to Keep House While Drowning
Sara Stanizai
Understanding Grief: Beyond the Five Stages

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT

There’s a common, half-joking sentiment that therapists and their clients think “everything is trauma.” I tend to think that everything is grief.

What if power imbalances, trauma, depression, relationship struggles, differentiating from your family, self-esteem, or anything else that brings you therapy was actually related to grief? If you boil down a lot of our pain, it often contains some part of the grieving process. We struggle to adjust to changes and loss in one form or another. And yet, grief is often treated as a mysterious syndrome that we try to avoid but know we can’t.

This isn’t to downplay the extremely painful loss of a loved one. But on a much, much smaller scale, we are often experiencing a version of grief every time we lose something.

Understanding Grief: Beyond the Five Stages
Sara Stanizai
Life is Hard, Be Kind: Acceptance & ...

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT

It seems that every day the ongoing trainwreck that is the current sociopolitical landscape brings me one uneasy step closer to embracing Doomerism - which, if you’ve been lucky to avoid the word, refers to an excessively pessimistic and fatalistic worldview. This may seem a somewhat problematic position for someone working in the mental health field, who is, ostensibly, tasked with assisting others to climb out of their own despair, anxiety, and doubt, but it nonetheless brings into sharp focus the various moral, ethical, and existential dilemmas many of us are grappling with on daily basis:

How do we continue living in an environment that appears to be fundamentally hostile to life? How do we reconcile a belief in human rights and dignity with the reality that a portion of everything you earn funds the very bombs used to destroy the lives of innocent people abroad? How do we protect the communities we care about when we ourselves are powerless? How do we behave morally while engaging in an immoral system?

And, while I certainly don’t know the answer to those questions, I do know that these are moments which challenge us - to reflect, to listen, to act. For people who find themselves frustrated with injustice, mired in feelings of powerlessness, and fearful of the future, this can mean slowing down, learning to regulate their emotions, and getting connected with their values. Below, I’ll share a few tools to do just that:

Life is Hard, Be Kind: Acceptance & Commitment Therapy for When You Don't Know What to Do.
trans affirming therapy
Sara Stanizai
Banned Words, Trans Lives, and the Stakes of ...

by Andrew Kravig

 

Every single day, we hear folks talking about how these are “unprecedented times.” Which is true, of course. These times do feel overly “unprecedented.”  But what does that mean? What does it actually mean, as a lived experience, to chart an existence in a world where there is not an instruction manual or reliable guideposts to help you navigate?

Banned Words, Trans Lives, and the Stakes of Being “Illegal”
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
Navigating Inter-cultural Relationships: You ...

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT

All relationships are inter-cultural. 

We all carry our own personal, familial, cultural, national, spiritual, and other contexts with us as we try to connect with each other. 

Some of these differences are more recognizable than others. While these relationships are often rich in love and learning, they can also present unique challenges that require open communication, empathy, and a keen understanding of power dynamics. 

As a licensed marriage and family therapist and a student of Relational Life Therapy, I often draw upon the principles of RLT to help couples navigate these complexities. 

Navigating Inter-cultural Relationships: You Are More Than a Partner

Self-Sabotage: What to Do When Your Own Worst Enemy Is You?

Self-Sabotage: What to Do When Your Own Worst Enemy Is You?

Do you ever feel like despite knowing and wanting to do the best, you still make bad decisions? Maybe you keep seeing that same casual “friend” who hits you up with the “WYD?” text, even when the relationship is still toxic. Perhaps you repeatedly stay up late on a work night scrolling through TikTok videos, even when you know that you’ll be exhausted the next day.

In the words of icon Hannah Montana, everybody makes mistakes — it’s natural and human of us to do so. But when you cross the line between a one-off mistake and repeatedly making bad choices, you may be entering self-sabotage territory.

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Jealousy in Open Relationships

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Jealousy in Open Relationships

Every relationship requires three huge factors to be successful: communication, trust, and respect. You’re not the only person with skin in the game, so you need to have a level of faith in someone else. You have to believe that they’ll respect you and your boundaries. This can take a lot of work within two people. So how does trust happen in an open or polyamorous relationship?

Many people assume that jealousy doesn’t exist in an open relationship or that people don’t have the right to be jealous when they’re committing to multiple people in various ways. But this forgets a key part of all relationships - hello, there are humans involved! Humans have feelings, needs and wants.

People in open relationships do experience jealousy, and it’s completely valid — but how do you work through these feelings? Especially if you are new to non-monogamy?

Your Attachment Style at Work

Your Attachment Style at Work

Although it sounds like a qualifier for Velcro or glue, attachment style is a psychological term that describes how people relate to others.

The simplest way to describe them is in 3 different types: secure, avoidant-dismissive, or anxious-preoccupied. You’ve probably heard of attachment styles when it comes to romantic or familial relationships. While we do form different attachment styles in these relationships, we also develop them in other types of relationships. Did you know these also apply to your work relationships?

Okay, work spouses are a totally different thing. But have you ever considered the type of attachment style that you have with your job?

This isn’t just how we relate personally to our work (that’s called intrapersonal attachment, just FYI) - but is your job an intrinsic part of your identity? Something you take personally, and without it would be a different person? Or is it something utilitarian that you enjoy but check out of as soon as we’re “off the clock.” How much of ourselves does our job define?

Our attachment style reveals itself even more when it comes to how we relate to the people we work with (interpersonal attachment to our work environment). Do you stay out of the office drama? Or are you always the problem solver? How invested are you in the place where you work? And how invested do they need to be in you?

Many people spend a lot of time in the workplace and frequently interact with their boss or coworkers. So even though you may have never considered it, these relationships with attachment styles can apply to our job.

But why is it helpful to look at workplace attachment styles? Because it can help us be happier and find work that is more fulfilling. If you know what you need, it’s easier to find a workplace that will give you what you need. Added bonus? It also can show us how we can do the same in our personal relationships.

Coping with Medical Anxiety

Coping with Medical Anxiety

Anxiety is a beast. This emotion covers a vast range of feelings, thoughts, body responses, triggers, and so much more. It is simultaneously a casual term for small flutters in your stomach to intense disorders requiring therapy, medication, and more to function. Anxiety is extremely personal and individual, so it may manifest in different ways and for various reasons.

If you experience anxiety, you may find yourself worrying about many different things. Work, relationships, socializing, and family issues are just some of the everyday things that cause worry.

But what about physical health?

Though often overlooked or written off as something every does, anxiety over physical health is actually a common thing. But especially now, during the COVID-19 pandemic, people are more worried than ever before about their health.

While this worry is completely valid and can be based in a lot of facts, this worry about physical health is taking a toll on many peoples’ mental health — and possibly yours, too.

Unexpected Signs of Adult ADHD

Unexpected Signs of Adult ADHD

One of the most commonly misunderstood facts about attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is that it can affect anyone at literally any age. Though commonly diagnosed in childhood, many people go through their entire adolescence with ADHD — without realizing it. In fact, the older someone gets, the more difficult it can be to actually pinpoint and diagnose the signs or symptoms.

Adults may be more prone to write off symptoms as something else, like anxiety or stress. Especially if the thoughts, feelings, or struggles have been present their entire lives. But ADHD is far more than just fidgeting your leg or not being able to sit still. There are millions of adults who are living with ADHD but don’t know it. But they don’t have to.

Here are some of the unexpected signs of adult ADHD you may be struggling with buy may completely overlook as ADHD.

I'm Not Too Cool for a New Year's Resolution

I'm Not Too Cool for a New Year's Resolution

December 31 is my favorite day of the year! No matter what we've been through, tomorrow is a new day.

Everyone's talking about goal-setting right about now. I'm not too cool to join in. No matter how difficult things are, setting a vision and intention helps me feel like I have some agency over the things in my life. Even when — ESPECIALLY WHEN — most things feel really out of my hands.

I love dreaming about the future and creating my life around that vision. It doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes it goes WAY OFF track. And sometimes that vision changes without me realizing it.

Even if it feels unrealistic, indulgent, or hopeless. I would much rather be married to my hopes and dreams than be married to my struggle.

Dreaming doesn’t mean ignoring oppression and obstacles. We can be painfully cognizant of the myriad reasons why things are difficult. Often more difficult for us than for others. We have no choice but to acknowledge them, and we should.

But we can also look past those barriers. It’s not like instilling hope means I will accidentally forget what’s holding me back. I’m reminded of those obstacles every day.

We can hold our baggage and our plane ticket at the same time.

If you have the courage and vulnerability to say "This is what I want for myself,” I’m rooting for you. Here are some of my best reminders for setting your goals, whenever you’re ready to start.

Mental Health Considerations for Bicultural People

Mental Health Considerations for Bicultural People

It’s hard to find a balance between a culture you know and one you embrace once you immigrate somewhere new. This dichotomy is difficult internally as you categorize and organize and make sense of everything you’ve known and everything you’re learning. This struggle can be a heavy burden to bear on it’s own, but it becomes even harder when other people are involved.

This can lead to a type of impostor syndrome for first-generation Americans. People who feel like they are not “_____” enough for any setting often begin questioning other parts of their identity and hide things about themselves that are not part of the dominant culture. This creates space for internalizing other people’s messages about who they are, and can contribute to some serious self-doubt.

What Kind of Therapist Do You Want?

What Kind of Therapist Do You Want?

Choosing a therapist can be a PROCESS. You most likely aren’t looking for someone to talk about the weather with. This person will be learning about your life experiences, your trauma, your deepest fears and insecurities, and maybe even your wildest thoughts. There is a deep level of intimacy and trust that has to be built and maintained.

Though it is entirely professional, it is still a relationship that can be incredibly impactful and profound on your life. Sometimes it can feel like trying to pick your soulmate without even meeting them. And we’ve all seen those shows on Netflix… that shit does NOT always work so well.

There are many different types of therapists out there, with a variety of specialties, experiences, backgrounds, educations, schools of thought, and even couch styles or Zoom backgrounds. It’s important to do some research on the styles and schools of therapy. This will help you know what to expect when it comes to the literal format of the sessions. Doing your homework can be useful sometimes, I promise.

Is it OK to cut ties with Toxic Family Members?

Is it OK to cut ties with Toxic Family Members?

The most intimate - and most conflicted - relationships many of us have are with our family members.

So, what happens when a family member’s behavior makes you uncomfortable — to the point where it borders on abusive? Many people struggle with telling the difference, especially when it comes to family. People are often encouraged to give extra slack to people simply because they are related. That’s bullshit!

If you are uncomfortable because of a family member’s behavior, you don’t need to suffer in silence. There are steps you can take to determine if the behavior can be fixed. If it can’t, you may need to consider cutting ties altogether.

Principles of Transgender and Nonbinary Affirming Therapy

Principles of Transgender and Nonbinary Affirming Therapy

Therapy is never “one size fits all.” Just as every single person who comes in to see a therapist has their own unique experiences, ideas, and background, so should every therapy session. And this may come as a surprise, but so should every therapist. We are people too!

Therapists come with our own set of ideas, types of baggage, levels of education, and varieties of experience. But it is our job to create an inclusive, open, welcome, and safe space for everyone who comes through our door or joins our secure, encrypted, HIPAA-compliant, Fort-Knox-level-security video calls.

Affirming therapy goes beyond simply tolerating or even celebrating queer + trans identities and experiences. Affirming therapy centers these identities. To be affirming means we are consistently working to divest ourselves of holding cis-het-mainstream culture as the default, as the basis on which truth is measured, or as an aspiration for everyone.

Affirming therapists are able to help our clients with any issue that brings them to therapy. AND we are able to help our clients work through issues that queer + trans people specifically face, including homophobia, transphobia, heterosexism, cissexism, and more.

There are many different ways we can educate ourselves on affirmative therapy, from listening to people with lived experience (and compensating them adequately for their labor), to seeking formal training and education, to committing to mentoring from others in the field, to understanding queer communities through our art, media, and culture. There is always room for education and growth in a variety of ways. But there are also some key principles that therapists, can keep in mind while we create a safe and inclusive space of affirming therapy for our LGBTQ+ clients.

By the way, being part of a marginalized or oppressed community doesn’t automatically guarantee that we know what we’re doing. Just like being a therapist doesn’t guarantee it either. It’s everyone’s responsibility to engage in the deliberate practice of active allyship and affirming therapy.

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My Loved One is Transgender

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My Loved One is Transgender

When someone important to you reveals this part of their identity, it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions - from elated to terrified.

Though you may want to be supportive, you might also harbor feelings of rejection, worry, or even anger. Like every other emotion, these feelings aren’t forever. That said, it can certainly feel that way when you’re right in the middle of it.

Although this is new to you, it is not always new to your loved one.

So, how do you cope with these feelings? How can you get to a place of acceptance and understanding instead of fear, anger, or confusion? Depending on your specific situation and relationship to the person, there are different options to help you make sense of your feelings.

Health at Every Size © and Eating Disorder Recovery

Health at Every Size © and Eating Disorder Recovery

What does it really mean to be healthy or unhealthy? In reality, no matter what size you are, each body type can be healthy or unhealthy. Weight is not an inherent health indicator.

I’ll say that again for everyone in the back: Weight is not an inherent health indicator.

When we perpetuate false information and assumptions onto our bodies or others’ bodies, we are furthering toxic diet culture notions. The diet industry makes millions of dollars by feeding into this shame, fear, and general unhappiness towards our bodies to profit. This can lead to terrible ramifications, including perpetuating eating disorders. Furthermore, disordered eating isn’t exclusive to any one body type.

So, where do we start? How do we get to a place where we feel positive — or even better, neutral — about body types? A critical key and first step to take is that we have to accept that health can occur at any size.

How Slowing Down Can Get You to Your Goals Faster

How Slowing Down Can Get You to Your Goals Faster

In our society, we tend to overlook the importance of rest. From a young age, we already have a lot to do: school, homework, socializing, working, and so much more. And it’s not like we take many breaks throughout the stages of our lives.

Many of us attend school for years and then immediately enter the workforce. While it’s great to be motivated and chase your dreams, prioritizing rest is also essential. Taking breaks and resting does not make you lazy or unmotivated — it’s an active part of your overall progress.

Setting Boundaries vs. Giving an Ultimatum

Setting Boundaries vs. Giving an Ultimatum

Any person invested in their own growth will eventually question - how do I know when I’m asking for too much? Am I being fair? Am I going overboard with my boundaries now that I finally learned how helpful they can be?

If you’re uncomfortable speaking up for yourself, most of your personal work (with or without therapy) has probably been learning how to set boundaries.

When it comes to setting and carrying out boundaries, we want to push ourselves to grow and improve, but we also want to be accountable. This can feel like a circus act sometimes. So where’s the balance between asking and demanding?

What is Grounding and How Does it Help with Anxiety and Trauma?

What is Grounding and How Does it Help with Anxiety and Trauma?

If you struggle with anxiety, then you know first-hand how consuming your anxious thoughts can be. You may be totally fine one moment, minding your own business, when your brain suddenly attacks with an onslaught of anxious thoughts racing around in wild patterns- which can be totally debilitating. Anxiety is often hard to explain to others, extremely frustrating, and the unpredictability can be especially rough.

So much of anxiety and trauma is related to our experiences of the past and our worries about the future.

If you have experienced a particularly traumatic event, you can be triggered by flashbacks, memories, and reminders of the trauma, which can cause intense feelings of anxiety. This can also look like fear and worry about that event happening again or dealing with an “anniversary” of when it happened.

Grounding techniques are an incredible way to help reduce the impact of those messy icky anxious feelings in the moment.

Unfortunately, anxiety happens. Those messy feelings? Yeah, they’re gonna happen too. And as much as we want to get rid of them and feel “100% healed,” life just doesn’t work that way. While grounding isn’t a way to erase these memories or experiences, it can be a way to have them feel less intense in the moment, which will help you build resilience over time.

While grounding isn’t a cure for anxiety, it’s a useful technique to bust out when the hardest moments happen. Instead of drowning in your anxious thoughts, grounding can help bring you back to reality. Here’s how it works.

Why Do Pronouns Matter?

Why Do Pronouns Matter?

For many people, this is a topic with which they have a little familiarity, but want to know more. Why do pronouns matter? And why is it essential to refer to people with their pronouns?

We use pronouns in place of someone’s name. If you wouldn’t want to get their name wrong, you wouldn’t want to get their pronouns wrong either.

10 Ways You Know You’re Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

10 Ways You Know You’re Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

Impostor syndrome really sucks.

Have you ever felt like you were a fraud? Do you downplay your skills, talents or abilities, even if you’ve literally done them before and have all the hours logged? Welcome to impostor syndrome.

I’m willing to bet, if you think you have it, you’ve read plenty about it.

Pored through articles looking for proof of your failure. (That would be a sign pointing to YES YOU HAVE IT, by the way.)

Thankfully, Impostor Syndrome doesn’t have to be permanent!

In fact, you might already be working your way out of it, even if it doesn’t feel like you are.

Here is a list you can look through for AWESOME things you’re already doing that show how far you’ve come. (No, you don’t have to get 100% to pass here.)

With dedication and personal development work (especially some targeted therapy), you can escape the cycle of self-doubt. No matter what type of Impostor Syndrome you may relate to, here are 10 hints that tell you’re already overcoming the fraud feelings of Impostor Syndrome. (And if you’re not already doing these, just pick a few and start now! BOOM. You’re doing it).

Why LGBTQ+ Visibility is Important for Your Mental Health

Why LGBTQ+ Visibility is Important for Your Mental Health

September is for celebrating… (no, not the return of school)….

Bi+ Visibility Day on September 23!

(For those of you wondering, “Bi+” includes bisexual, pansexual, and non-monosexual identities.)

Even better than a single day of celebration? That whole week is Bi+ Visibility Week!

But let’s talk about this whole visibility thing. Why do we need a Bi+ visibility day? And come to think of it, why do we need any sort of LGBTQ+ pride parades, rainbow flags, or any sort of celebration in the first place? A common argument made against visible Pride is, “If you don’t want to be discriminated against for your sexuality or gender identity, then don’t make such a big deal about it!” Funny enough, this argument is most often made by people who don’t identify as a part of that community to begin with...

Emotional Labor: Why Your Friends Are So Tired

Emotional Labor: Why Your Friends Are So Tired

Anyone who has ever worked in a customer service job knows the literal pain that comes from smiling at customers for eight hours. The numb cheeks and glazed-over eyes as you answer the same question for the twelfth time that hour. Sometimes you get home and can’t stay up; you're so physically exhausted.

But sometimes this heaviness comes from more than an overtime barista shift. What about always cleaning up after office birthday parties because you feel responsible for everyone else? Maybe it’s the time spent proofreading your emails and adding in exclamation points or emojis to make sure you don’t sound too mean.

There is an unspoken expectation that weighs down the shoulders of oppressed and marginalized groups of people who are often forced to maintain a level of dissonance between how they truly feel and what society around them deems correct to feel: emotional labor.

Aggression Toward Women Doesn't Discriminate

Aggression Toward Women Doesn't Discriminate

When it comes to aggression against women, there are no qualifiers that determine who is going to experience it. Harm takes on the full spectrum, from famous women in powerful positions to the most disenfranchised, including trans women of color.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a U.S. Democratic Representative of New York and youngest woman to ever serve in Congress, was simply walking up the steps of the Capitol to cast a vote when she was accosted, bullied, and verbally attacked by Congressman Yoho, who didn’t agree with her political views. AOC had to defend herself multiple times in front of Congress after Yoho denied the charges, despite reporters overhearing Yoho say aggressive slurs about her.

Megan Thee Stallion is a rapper and songwriter whose latest smash hit, WAP, broke music records by debuting as No. 1 on both the streaming and digital sale charts, with over 93 million U.S. streams and 125,000 downloads in the first week of its release. But current headlines are focused on questioning the legitimacy of her recounting being shot in the foot by rapper Tory Lanez. Despite video footage of the incident and her various messages on social media discussing how she was coping with the trauma, Megan Thee Stallion resorted to sharing graphic photos of her foot post-surgery after followers said they didn’t believe her.

Eden the Doll, Jaslene White Rose, and Joslyn Flawless were recently robbed, attacked, and physically assaulted in Hollywood by Carlton Callaway, Davion Williams, and Willie Walker while Steven Hurtado recorded evidence to ridicule later, all as onlookers pointed, laughed, and encouraged further violence. Two arrests have since been made. The footage itself, however, reflects the sentiment that violence against women is not only allowed, but celebrated. Anyone who has been made complicit in their own violation instantly recognized the insidious terrorism of a perpetrator holding someone’s hand while forcing her to find her friends to be further victimized.

These stories are only the tip of the iceberg. Millions of people endure this violence and aggression from men and carry their own unsung stories. From the #metoo movement to the sickening number of un-publicized deaths of trans women, aggression toward women is not a small issue. But it’s the small things that make it an ongoing issue.

Convenient to Long Beach and Seal Beach at:

4510 E Pacific Coast Hwy, #540, Long Beach, CA 90804

contact@prospecttherapy.com | (562) 704-4736