by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT
It seems that every day the ongoing trainwreck that is the current sociopolitical landscape brings me one uneasy step closer to embracing Doomerism - which, if you’ve been lucky to avoid the word, refers to an excessively pessimistic and fatalistic worldview. This may seem a somewhat problematic position for someone working in the mental health field, who is, ostensibly, tasked with assisting others to climb out of their own despair, anxiety, and doubt, but it nonetheless brings into sharp focus the various moral, ethical, and existential dilemmas many of us are grappling with on daily basis:
How do we continue living in an environment that appears to be fundamentally hostile to life? How do we reconcile a belief in human rights and dignity with the reality that a portion of everything you earn funds the very bombs used to destroy the lives of innocent people abroad? How do we protect the communities we care about when we ourselves are powerless? How do we behave morally while engaging in an immoral system?
And, while I certainly don’t know the answer to those questions, I do know that these are moments which challenge us - to reflect, to listen, to act. For people who find themselves frustrated with injustice, mired in feelings of powerlessness, and fearful of the future, this can mean slowing down, learning to regulate their emotions, and getting connected with their values. Below, I’ll share a few tools to do just that:
Slow Down with Mindful Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is one of those things that most of us could probably use a little more of but rarely know how to access even if we want to engage with it. For others who struggle with shame and self-doubt, it may even inspire questions of their own deservingness. However, contrary to popular thought, self-compassion is not something that requires deservingness. It’s not even about liking ourselves.
To put it simply, the core of self-compassion lies in recognizing our experience as it is, and responding to ourselves simply as human beings in a moment of suffering.
Self-compassion as a psychological concept has been studied extensively for its use as a resource to help people through moments of hardship and struggle, both internal and external. One of the leading researchers, Dr. Kristin Neff, breaks self-compassion down into three basic elements:
1. Mindfulness - Acknowledge your experience as it is, neither minimizing, exaggerating, nor judging it. We can observe and name what we are feeling and experiencing without overidentifying with it.
2. Common Humanity - Pain is a feature of the human experience, not a bug. The emotional pain you feel now has been felt by many others around the world and across time. No psychologist, pharmaceutical researcher, religious figure, or philosopher has figured out how to excise suffering from the human experience.
3. Self-kindness - Treat yourself like a friend. Treat yourself like a fellow human being. Treat yourself like a loving parent would treat their child. Kindness, not cruelty, is what allows people to confront their limitations, imperfections, and mistakes with courage and honesty. There is no need to punish nor coddle.
Ground Your Nervous System
When our nervous system is inundated with stress and our bodies perpetually flooded with cortisol, it’s difficult to see clearly and engage with what is in front of us. When we are overwhelmed and underresourced, we are also less equipped to deal with problems or be effective advocates for others. So what’s a poor, stressed brain to do?
In the short-term? Grounding.
Grounding refers to various techniques used to help individuals reconnect with the present moment and the physical world around them. It is especially useful during moments of overwhelming emotion (such as anxiety, panic, or anger) and mild depressive states, helping to reduce the intensity of those feelings and bring a person back to a state of (relative) calm. It’s important to note that grounding exercises are not meant to erase difficult emotions, but rather make them easier to weather.
There are many ways to ground and sometimes it can take a while to find a handful of skills that feel comfortable and reliable, but here are a couple of classics:
5-4-3-2-1 Technique (Sensory Grounding)
This involves engaging the five senses to reconnect with the present moment. It goes like this:
● 5 things you can see
● 4 things you can feel (texture, temperature, etc.)
● 3 things you can hear
● 2 things you can smell
● 1 thing you can taste
Breathing Exercises
Deep, slow breathing is a simple but effective grounding tool. One common technique is diaphragmatic breathing (also called belly breathing). It involves breathing deeply in through the nose for a count of 4, holding for a count of 4, and exhaling slowly through the mouth for a count of 6. This method calms the nervous system and helps to center the person.
Do What Matters
In any given situation, we have three options:
1. Leave.
2. Stay. Do whatever is in your power to change what can be changed, seek community, do what matters. Make room for the inevitable pain. Treat yourself and others kindly.
3. Stay and give up. Do things that make no difference or make it worse. Ignore your values.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this is referred to as the Challenge Formula, and it draws upon the wisdom of all who have survived hardship. Rather than downplaying or denying difficult realities, the Challenge Formula asks us to acknowledge and make space in our lives for the inevitable pain, to mobilize whatever agency we have and take control of our lives to the extent that’s possible.
It’s important to note, however, as ACT educator Russ Harris often likes to point out: “It’s acceptance and commitment therapy, not passive acceptance therapy.” Acknowledging ugly realities and accepting uncomfortable emotional states doesn’t mean simply putting up with them. If your best option is to flee, do so. There is no obligation to “stick it out” in an abusive relationship, a toxic work environment, or threatening political landscape. If escape is not an option, or not the best option, find ways to get in touch with what’s important to you. What power do you still have? What kind of human being do you want to be? At the end of the day, what and who still matters?
Therapy Does Not Exist in a Vacuum
ACT demands radical acceptance and a commitment to action. Grounding and nervous system regulation are tools meant to help us in the moment. But they don’t replace the acknowledgement of the situation as it is. That situation includes the systems we are part of and the events going on around us. Even (or especially) the ones we think don’t involve us.
Sometimes therapy gets a bad reputation because people think it’s trying to be a “quick fix.” As in, “oh well, there’s nothing I can do, let me purchase something because… self care!” An anti-oppressive therapist will center our approach on the reality that individual wellness relies on collective realities.
Connect. Find joy. Stay strong.
Read more about therapy with Tiffany here.