Avoidant Attachment: How to Build Empathy for Others

Avoidant attachment often gets a bad rap. But the truth is, it’s just another set of relational patterns - neither good nor bad.

An important part of inner healing is developing a healthy sense of self-awareness. While we should validate our feelings, we shouldn’t just accept every behavior that spawns because of those feelings. We’re allowed to feel insecure, but does that mean we should lash out at our loved ones? We’re allowed to be angry with our partner, but does that mean we should stonewall them? Of course not!

Step one is accepting our own emotions. Step two is noticing how those emotions inspire our behaviors and stepping in before they happen so we can remain in the driver’s seat.

Although it sounds like a qualifier for Velcro or glue, attachment style is a psychological term that describes how people relate to others.

The simplest way to describe them is in 3 different types: secure, avoidant-dismissive, or anxious-preoccupied. You’ve probably heard of attachment styles when it comes to romantic or familial relationships. While we do form different attachment styles in these relationships, we also develop them in other types of relationships. Did you know these also apply to your work relationships?

Okay, work spouses are a totally different thing. But have you ever considered the type of attachment style that you have with your job?

This isn’t just how we relate personally to our work (that’s called intrapersonal attachment, just FYI) - but is your job an intrinsic part of your identity? Something you take personally, and without it would be a different person? Or is it something utilitarian that you enjoy but check out of as soon as we’re “off the clock.” How much of ourselves does our job define?

Our attachment style reveals itself even more when it comes to how we relate to the people we work with (interpersonal attachment to our work environment). Do you stay out of the office drama? Or are you always the problem solver? How invested are you in the place where you work? And how invested do they need to be in you?

Many people spend a lot of time in the workplace and frequently interact with their boss or coworkers. So even though you may have never considered it, these relationships with attachment styles can apply to our job.

But why is it helpful to look at workplace attachment styles? Because it can help us be happier and find work that is more fulfilling. If you know what you need, it’s easier to find a workplace that will give you what you need. Added bonus? It also can show us how we can do the same in our personal relationships.