Although it sounds like a qualifier for Velcro or glue, attachment style is a psychological term that describes how people relate to others.
The simplest way to describe them is in 3 different types: secure, avoidant-dismissive, or anxious-preoccupied. You’ve probably heard of attachment styles when it comes to romantic or familial relationships. While we do form different attachment styles in these relationships, we also develop them in other types of relationships. Did you know these also apply to your work relationships?
Okay, work spouses are a totally different thing. But have you ever considered the type of attachment style that you have with your job?
This isn’t just how we relate personally to our work (that’s called intrapersonal attachment, just FYI) - but is your job an intrinsic part of your identity? Something you take personally, and without it would be a different person? Or is it something utilitarian that you enjoy but check out of as soon as we’re “off the clock.” How much of ourselves does our job define?
Our attachment style reveals itself even more when it comes to how we relate to the people we work with (interpersonal attachment to our work environment). Do you stay out of the office drama? Or are you always the problem solver? How invested are you in the place where you work? And how invested do they need to be in you?
Many people spend a lot of time in the workplace and frequently interact with their boss or coworkers. So even though you may have never considered it, these relationships with attachment styles can apply to our job.
But why is it helpful to look at workplace attachment styles? Because it can help us be happier and find work that is more fulfilling. If you know what you need, it’s easier to find a workplace that will give you what you need. Added bonus? It also can show us how we can do the same in our personal relationships.
There are a variety of ways to interpret attachment styles, but in the simplest terms, we form different attachment types — secure, avoidant-dismissive, or anxious-preoccupied —so let’s look at the different types.
Secure Attachment
First things first: it’s common and natural to feel insecure in your relationships sometimes. Just because you freak out sometimes does NOT mean you are insecure.
When you have a secure attachment style, you generally feel at ease and comfortable with yourself and your place in your context. You are flexible, understand the bigger picture, and can tolerate the ups and downs of any relationship. This type of attachment is characterized by safety. But how would a secure attachment style translate in the workplace?
You know that contraction and expansion are part of any relationship. You know that giving or receiving feedback is an opportunity for growth. You don’t take things personally, and you don’t internalize (even poorly-delivered) criticism to mean you are flawed or failing. If you have a secure attachment to your job, you take pride in it but it doesn’t define you. You define your job, not the other way around.
When you feel confident in the workplace, you don’t spend time worrying that you aren’t good enough. You trust you are there for a reason, and can see the value you bring to the table, as well as the benefits you get from your work. You don’t regularly experience anxiety about your role, and you don’t try to avoid tasks or situations. Moreover, you feel proud of the work that you do.
A secure attachment style will also show itself through your workplace relationships. If you feel content with your boss and coworkers and get along with them, then you likely have a secure attachment with your career and workplace. You don’t treat your boss like a caregiver, and you don’t treat your peers like siblings. A secure attachment is something that is firm but flexible. This means you do care about your job, but it doesn’t define who you are. You can be passionate about the work you do, but you can do it anywhere.
Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment
This attachment style typically means that you avoid situations instead of dealing with them head-on. When it comes to being In the workplace, this attachment style may play out in a few different ways.
Avoidance is the name of the game if you avoid talking to your coworkers and opt for working alone as much as possible. This is especially true if the reason you prefer to work alone is so that people won’t see your struggle. Just like in other relationships, you might be under the assumption that if they see you make a mistake (or see the “real you,”) they will deem you unvalued and abandon you. If you feel you can’t ask for help, make mistakes, or have a hard time taking in suggestions, you may be avoidant toward your job.
This doesn’t account for toxic workplaces, or particularly insulated and unsafe settings. The emotional labor of fitting in is a reality for most people. If you have a found a welcoming workplace (or even work for yourself), you can still benefit from looking at how you relate to work, and the role it plays in your life and identity.
While it is totally okay to strive for independence in the workplace, there are many careers that depend on a specific amount of teamwork. If you’re the type of person who struggles or dreads working in a team, you may have an avoidant attachment style. With this attachment style, you likely don’t feel overly involved in or affected by the workplace, but very much prefer to keep to yourself and work independently.
This can also impact how you build relationships with the people at work. You may avoid getting close to coworkers or feel uncomfortable talking about your personal life. This can lead to some avoidant or dismissive behaviors, such as being sarcastic and thinking you’re being direct, when really you’re not being clear. You also might treat authority figures like a parent. If you think you may have this style of attachment, it can help by looking at how you are in your family and how that relates to how you are at work.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment
Just because you may feel some anxiety at work does not mean you have an anxious-preoccupied attachment. It’s not uncommon to experience anxiety in the workplace. However, do you always feel hyper-anxious every time you’re at work? Do you struggle to focus because you’re worried about what your boss or coworkers think about you?
If this sounds familiar, you may have an anxious-preoccupied workplace attachment. This means you crave validation and attention to ensure that you’re doing your job correctly. And while it’s okay to want guidance at work, you also need to find a balance where you can trust yourself and your abilities. You should be able to feel at ease and comfortable in your workplace. This can be a super exhausting attachment style, because not only are you fixated on doing your job perfectly, you are also worried about how others perceive you and if they value your role. You’re probably very productive, but your productivity is weighed down by anxiety. This type of attachment often overlaps with Impostor Syndrome, which is characterized by not being able to internalize evidence of your success.
Read more: The Five Types of Impostor Syndrome
Understanding Your Workplace Attachment
If you identify with any qualities of an avoidant or anxious attachment, it’s totally okay. Many people feel insecure in their careers sometimes, and trust me, you don’t always have to feel completely secure to succeed. In fact, discomfort can often be a sign of growth. (Fear, intimidation, or toxicity are not.)
By better understanding your workplace attachment, you can also understand if there are possibly other, unrelated mental health conditions lying underneath.
For example, if you feel anxious in the workplace, it may stem from a more general anxiety condition. The better you can pinpoint your workplace attachment style, the easier it will be to seek help or to feel more comfortable in the workplace and in everyday life.
Read more: Why High Achievers Avoid Therapy (and why they shouldn’t).
We don’t always feel completely confident or comfortable in the workplace. It’s normal to feel insecure from time to time — overall, however, you should feel secure with your job and the work you do. If you don’t, you may want to consider seeking therapy to understand your attachment style better. Therapy can help you work through anxiety, avoidance, or insecurity that may affect how you perform in the workplace.
—
Prospect Therapy is a queer + trans affirming therapy practice based in Long Beach, CA, with a focus on mental health for first-generation, immigrant, and bicultural communities. We continue to provide online therapy for a variety of mental wellness and relationship concerns to clients throughout the state of California. Learn more about how we bring lived experience to our work with LGBTQ+ folks of all ages in our communities by requesting a consultation below.