In current American society, it seems to be universally accepted that being “skinny” equates to healthy and being “fat” equates to unhealthy. But where do these standards come from? What does it really mean to be healthy or unhealthy? In reality, no matter what size you are, each body type can be healthy or unhealthy. Weight is not an inherent health indicator.
I’ll say that again for everyone in the back: Weight is not an inherent health indicator.
Saying this can feel wild, radical, or even shocking. But it’s a fact. And the disregard for this fact can be extremely harmful. When we perpetuate false information and assumptions onto our bodies or others’ bodies, we are furthering toxic diet culture notions. The diet industry makes millions of dollars by feeding into this shame, fear, and general unhappiness towards our bodies to profit. This can lead to terrible ramifications, including perpetuating eating disorders. Furthermore, disordered eating isn’t exclusive to any one body type.
Scary, right?!
So, where do we start? How do we get to a place where we feel positive — or even better, neutral — about body types? A critical key and first step to take is that we have to accept that health can occur at any size.
Health at Every Size ©
You probably have a variety of ideas that pop into your brain when you think of what it means to be healthy. Maybe it involves a particular form of exercise or movement. Perhaps it’s a particular type of food or dietary habit. We all have individual ideas about what health means or how to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Based on these ideas, you may also have personal ideas of what body types you consider healthy and those you don’t.
But how can we define what healthy looks like for someone else when we all have different definitions? That’s where Health at Every Size © or HAES, comes in.
To fully accept the idea that health can occur at any size, we have to let go of specific preconceived ideas. Health is never solely based on one factor, especially on a superficial one of physical size. Many factors can contribute to someone’s physical shape, including age, ethnicity, gender, and socioeconomic status.
When we place our standards of a healthy weight onto someone else, we project a false and unfair expectation of something subjective.
Unless you have some sort of badass x-ray vision that allows you to see someone’s entire medical history, childhood, experiences, and every other potential factor, you can't know what healthy means for them.
Understanding Diet Culture
When we’re talking about diet culture here, it refers to the belief that weight is of a higher value than and the sole way to find health, happiness, and well-being. This is often the underlying message pushed through brands who are trying to sell their products to as many people as possible. Instead of focusing on eating fulfilling, nourishing foods, you may be told to worry about calories instead. Diet culture may make promises of happiness, love, career changes, and more if you hit your weight loss goal. Rather than feeling content with the weight you’re at, you may begin to obsessively work to lose 15 pounds.
Diet culture also revolves heavily around the fact that skinnier is inherently healthier — but as we talked about HAES, we can see that this mindset is dangerously untrue. Unfortunately, diet culture is so ingrained into our society that many people grow up thinking that these ideals are natural and entirely accurate. This can lead to an ingrained belief that if you are not skinny, then you are not ideal. Which is where the problems start to get real.
The Problems with Diet Culture
When we are taught to hold certain body types to a higher value than others, it creates an unfair standard. What is really making one person’s body better than the other? Because diet culture places more importance on weight than actual health, it’s dangerous to promote the idea that one body type is better than another. These arbitrary lines and hierarchies end up assigning morality to people dependent on their body fat percentage and not who they are as a person. And these messages of being unworthy, unlovable, ugly, and a failure become ingrained as truth.
Young people are especially vulnerable to falling into false ideas about how their bodies should look. When we’re growing and forming our ideas of what our place is in the world, being bombarded with the biases and toxic ideals can shape dangerous mindsets. Not only does diet culture make many people feel bad about how much they weigh, even if there is nothing wrong with their body, but it can lead to far more dangerous consequences, such as body dysmorphia and eating disorders.
Unlearning Social Norms
So how do you break yourself free from these false norms and ideals? Because diet culture exists so rampantly in our culture, we have to work to unlearn things we once took as truth. It takes genuine unlearning and retraining, which may be difficult. But it can change your life.
First, and most importantly, there is no single weight or body type that is healthier than another.
Health can genuinely exist at every size. There is no one-size-fit-all for someone’s health. If your health belongs to you and any medical professionals of your choice, then other people deserve the same privacy and autonomy to their health.
We shouldn’t fear our weight or clothing size. Again, there is nothing morally wrong about the fat percentage on your body or the number on your clothing tag. Being a size 4 or being a size 24 doesn’t determine your character. And if you don’t want to be judged for your weight, then we cannot judge others for theirs. Period.
The sooner we embrace the idea of health at every size, the sooner we can move away from the toxic diet culture mentality and move forward into a healthier, more realistic mindset about weight.
Making Peace and Finding Neutrality
If you’ve ever felt self-conscious or bad about yourself because of your weight, it isn’t your fault. You might not even be ready to let those beliefs go. Our bodies feel intrinsically tied to our self-worth. And bodily autonomy is important for every one.
It’s not easy to unlearn years of diet culture, but it is possible. Unfortunately there is no simple three-step plan to break habits formed since childhood. But, the first step you can take is to make peace with your body.
It won’t happen overnight; in reality, it may take months or years to find peace. However, by working every day to accept yourself, you’ll be that much closer to achieving it.
Making peace with your body can be done through a large variety of activities:
Self-care that meets your needs rather than distracts you from them
Reminding yourself of the things you’ve accomplished, regardless (or because) of your body size or shape
Changing the media you intake to include more diverse bodies
Finding joyful movement practices
Expressing yourself through new mediums and passions
There are numerous ways to look inward to see that what is on the outside is worthy and beautiful.
The true goal is aiming to find a place of body neutrality towards both yourself and others. This work is focused on feeling indifferent towards weight and body size. Instead of associating one body type with positivity and the opposite with negativity, try to find a neutral position. There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” body type. Fat and skinny are simple adjectives. They are not character traits, flaws, or personalities. They are just adjectives. The sooner we understand this as a society, the easier it will be to leave diet culture behind.
How does a HAES informed therapist work with you?
First, you want to make sure they have a working knowledge of the Health At Every Size © approach. That they’re not secretly giving you a form of diet culture cloaked in “healthy eating habits” jargon and body positivity. Ask them how they approach body image in general, and eating disorder recovery specifically.
Do they use words like “healthy” when they really mean “skinny”? Do they treat your weight like a symptom? Do they assume weight loss is a goal for you?
If you’re not ready to toss diet culture aside, that’s OK. You can still want to divorce yourself from these ideas but feel conflicted about your own body.
Any attuned and trauma-informed therapist will help you figure out what beliefs you want to challenge, and explore where those beliefs come from. A HAES-informed therapist will include weight and body image messages as part of that bucket of challenge-able ideas.
If you’re struggling with your weight, body image, diet culture, or an eating disorder, you don’t have to suffer alone. A therapist can help you figure out what is truly important to you, and what beliefs you can leave behind.
—
Prospect Therapy is a queer + trans affirming therapy practice based in Long Beach, CA, with a focus on mental health for first-generation, immigrant, and bicultural communities. We continue to provide online therapy for a variety of mental wellness and relationship concerns to clients throughout the state of California. Learn more about how we bring lived experience to our work with LGBTQ+ folks of all ages in our communities by requesting a consultation below.