Impostor syndrome really sucks.
Have you ever felt like you were a fraud? Do you downplay your skills, talents or abilities, even if you’ve literally done them before and have all the hours logged? Welcome to impostor syndrome.
This phenomenon of icky feelings doesn’t just appear at work. It can appear in your relationships, personal goals, family roles, romantic relationships, hobbies, community circles, and more. Feel close to home? You can learn more about Impostor Syndrome here.
I’m willing to bet, if you think you have it, you’ve read plenty about it. Pored through articles looking for proof of your failure. (That would be a sign pointing to YES YOU HAVE IT, by the way.)
Thankfully, Impostor Syndrome doesn’t have to be permanent!
In fact, you might already be working your way out of it, even if it doesn’t feel like you are.
Here is a list you can look through for AWESOME things you’re already doing that show how far you’ve come. (No, you don’t have to get 100% to pass here.)
With dedication and personal development work (especially some targeted therapy), you can escape the cycle of self-doubt. No matter what type of Impostor Syndrome you may relate to, here are 10 hints that tell you’re already overcoming the fraud feelings of Impostor Syndrome. (And if you’re not already doing these, just pick a few and start now! BOOM. You’re doing it).
1. YOU Stop Apologizing for Your Swag
When someone tells you that you did an amazing job on your presentation in that last meeting, how do you respond? Do you say something like, “Oh, I just put it together last minute/I messed up that one part about sales/etc.”?
Not you, Glenn Coco!
Putting qualifiers like this on your response instead of just accepting the compliment is a tell-tale sign of insecurity in your accomplishment or feeling like a fraud because you think you don’t “deserve” the praise. But you really do!
Of course, you say “Thanks, I worked really hard on this!” or “Thank you, I really like that about myself too.”
Learning how to accept compliments and owning up to your achievements shows you’re making your way our of impostor syndrome.
2. You Learn From Your Mistakes Without Shame
As the wise Hannah Montana once said, “Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days.” Making mistakes, big and small, are part of the human experience. But how you deal with them after the fact can be life changing.
It can be easy to get stuck in a loop of shame, self-flagellation, and regret when you do something wrong. This can lead to a sunken place where Impostor Syndrome rules. Learning from your mistakes is infinitely more productive because it allows you to change the future.
You can take responsibility, but then you see where you can grow and improve the next time around. This accountability will allow you to improve what you’re doing and repair any conflict in the future more confidently. Bonus read: How to Give a Top Notch Apology
3. You get Impressed Instead of Intimidated
Seeing the success you want being lived out by other people can be a good litmus test of where you’re at with Impostor Syndrome. When you see others accomplishing the goals you want to achieve, you will start to feel impressed & inspired instead of intimidated.
When you can see someone else’s wins and not try to compare your losses to them, you are no longer seeking validation from others but joining in the joy from their work. Rather than taking what you can from them to build yourself up, you are inspired by their story to look within yourself and share more about your own journey.
This allows you to build pride in your own unique accomplishments and methods. It is far easier to grow by forging your own path rather than seeking ways to fill in the blanks with other people's stuff.
4. You’re Truly Happy for Others
Have you ever felt jealous when your partner excitedly told you about a promotion they got at work? Maybe you felt like a loser when your best friend announced their engagement on social media? Those feelings of scarcity or envy may feel good in a petty kind of way, but let’s get real- they’re not gonna get you engaged and promoted.
Impostor syndrome LOVES to root itself in the squirmy dark feelings, but these can not only tear you apart inside but they can ruin relationships of every type. When you start to root out the jealousy and FOMO, you can learn to be in proximity with others and not feel like it lessens you.
Being happy for other people lets you revel in the joy and happy feelings, and it can inspire you to see you’re surrounded with other people achieving their goals. This sense of community instead of competition will lift you all up in the long run.
5. You’re not afraid to Show Up and Show Out
It can be really easy to fade into the background like the Homer-Simpson-in-the-bushes meme when you’re really feeling like a fraud. But you, my dear, know that you deserve to be seen. You are not invisible, so it’s time to shine.
Being visible, literally and/or figuratively allows you to take up the space you deserve. This can be literal, such as wearing brighter colors to avoid fading into the background, and showing up to meetings you may have been afraid to attend.
But this also means speaking up for yourself. Sharing your opinions and ideas, even if they seem different or opposing. As you leave impostor syndrome behind, you start showing up for yourself, avoiding the need to have a disclaimer or over explanation for everything. The more you show up, the easier it’ll be to be seen.
6. You Share the Special Snowflake Spotlight
Everyone is extremely unique and brings diverse experiences, talents, skills, and stories to the table. And you don't need to be the only special snowflake out there. Impostor syndrome can tell you that if you’re not THE most interesting person in the room, you’re not interesting at all. This is total bullshit, y’all.
When you realize that your value is in who you are, not defined by the circumstances of the moment, you can be inspired by others and not threatened by them. Because while you are doing you, THEY are doing THEM.
Even if there’s a lot of overlap between you and other people, you see that you both bring value. Because even if you have the exact same checkmarks on your resume, you each bring a unique perspective based on your own experiences, challenges, and growth.
7. You Take More Calculated Risks
If somebody tells you to take more risks, you might start Googling where you can skydive in your city. But risks aren’t always massive, paradigm shifting gestures. Being comfortable with taking smaller calculated risks shows confidence in your capacity to face new challenges and grow.
These calculated risks can be things like taking on goals that stretch you just beyond your comfort zone, working on vulnerability in your personal relationships, or expressing intimacy in new ways.
Calculated risks allow you to push boundaries in a conscientious way. This shows a high level of self-awareness, because you can see where you need to grow but also know where your boundaries lie. Banking up accomplished calculated risks pushes feelings of fraud out of the way as you start to see just how far you’ve come.
8. You Give Because you have extra, not because you expect something in return
When you fall into those fraudy feelings, it can be easy to give and give and give without asking for anything in return. That USED to be you, but you no longer have something to prove by “buying” goodwill through overextending yourself. There’s only so much you can pour out of your cup when it’s empty. As you learn to recognize the fill line of what you need versus what you can give, it actually lets you give even MORE than you were before.
That confidence in what you deserve becomes a realization that you have what you need and don't need to pull from others. This helps you see the bigger impact of how you respond to others, allowing you to give freely while protecting yourself.
You can also begin to acknowledge reciprocity but not demand it, since you no longer rely on anyone else’s giving capabilities. Finally, you are not giving from an empty cup but are sharing with others because you have extra. If you’re not running on empty, you can give more often and more freely knowing you’ll be just fine.
9. You can see yourself as Both/And
Everyone is multifaceted and unique, but sometimes Impostor Syndrome can leave you feeling restless about those different facets. But when you begin to resolve that inner conflict about the different parts of yourself, you can see how it’s possible to belong to multiple groups simultaneously.
This means you can be both silly and serious. Maybe you feel isolated and connected at the same time. It can be your grandiose side and your vulnerable side. Perhaps you belong to different cultures, have a variety of hobbies, or just like different labels, if any at all.
When you see that you can belong to multiple communities and don’t feel the need to justify them, you can learn to acknowledge where you’re an expert and where you still have room to grow without shame.
10. Own Your Happiness
The ultimate kick in the ass to Impostor Syndrome is the realization that your happiness belongs to you and you alone. Other people may do things that make you happy or unhappy, but in the end, you are the owner of your joy.
Once you recognize that your internal happiness is not impacted (for better or worse) by others, you can take control of your joy, even when things get rocky. This self-awareness shows confidence and belief in yourself, which even Impostor Syndrome can’t take from you.
But what if I still feel like a loser? I’m not doing ANY of these!
Here’s the thing. This isn’t an all-or-nothing game. Even the most mature, well-adjusted, and successful people still struggle with these feelings. We can be happy for others and still feel jealousy. We can be inspired and feel comparison creep in.
This list is a barometer, not a rulebook. You’ll still notice scary feelings creeping in. You’ll still hear that voice sending you negative messages.
Listen to that voice, appreciate what it’s trying to tell you, and then let it have several seats.
Over time, it will get quieter, it will have fewer things to say, and you’ll have a litany of truths about the value, joy, and success you bring to your people and your world.
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Prospect Therapy is a queer + trans affirming therapy practice based in Long Beach, CA, with a focus on mental health for first-generation, immigrant, and bicultural communities. We continue to provide online therapy to clients throughout the state of California. Learn more about how we bring lived experience to our work with LGBTQ+ folks of all ages in our communities by requesting a consultation below.