by Andrew Kravig
Every single day, we hear folks talking about how these are “unprecedented times.” Which is true, of course. These times do feel overly “unprecedented.” But what does that mean? What does it actually mean, as a lived experience, to chart an existence in a world where there is not an instruction manual or reliable guideposts to help you navigate?
by Sara Stanizai, LMFT
All relationships are inter-cultural.
We all carry our own personal, familial, cultural, national, spiritual, and other contexts with us as we try to connect with each other.
Some of these differences are more recognizable than others. While these relationships are often rich in love and learning, they can also present unique challenges that require open communication, empathy, and a keen understanding of power dynamics.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist and a student of Relational Life Therapy, I often draw upon the principles of RLT to help couples navigate these complexities.
by Andrew Kravig, AMFT
The world can feel like a hellscape right now. That might be putting it mildly. This year (is it only March??) has left many of us feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and exhausted. Everywhere you look there is chaos: the ongoing challenges of climate change, political instability, social injustices, threats of authoritarianism around the globe, handling the constant barrage of news alerts about the next big crisis. Oof. It’s easy to feel as though the world is spiraling out of control. And when combined with the weight of our everyday, personal struggles, we can often find ourselves depleted, utterly drained, both mentally and emotionally. This feeling is something we call often burnout, and especially when paired with depression, it can easily crush our ability to function and stay regulated.
But there are some ways to navigate through these difficult times, rebalance yourself, and perhaps reclaim some energy, so that you can foster your well-being. “Thriving instead of striving” is how my eighth grade Health Class teacher used to put it. (Looking back, she might have known a few things. I should have paid more attention.)
To All My Queers <3
by Andrew Kravig, AMFT
I don’t know about you, but right now the world around me can feel overwhelming. This day and age can feel impossible as LGBTQ+ individuals, facing societal challenges and discrimination, on top of our daily personal struggles. In such tumultuous times, self-care becomes more than just a luxury; it becomes a vital tool for maintaining emotional, mental, and physical health. But how can LGBTQ+ people prioritize their well-being in a world that sometimes feels hostile? Here are some practical and empowering ways to navigate self-care while honoring your unique identity.
Starting therapy can feel a bit intimidating. With all the different types of therapy and advice floating around, it’s normal to feel confused about what you’re walking into. You might wonder, "What exactly is therapy? Why do some people need it? And how do I know if it’s actually helping me?" These are great questions with nuanced answers. Let’s dive into what therapy is, what it isn’t, and how to tell if it's working for you.
by Andrew Kravig
Every single day, we hear folks talking about how these are “unprecedented times.” Which is true, of course. These times do feel overly “unprecedented.” But what does that mean? What does it actually mean, as a lived experience, to chart an existence in a world where there is not an instruction manual or reliable guideposts to help you navigate?
by Sara Stanizai, LMFT
All relationships are inter-cultural.
We all carry our own personal, familial, cultural, national, spiritual, and other contexts with us as we try to connect with each other.
Some of these differences are more recognizable than others. While these relationships are often rich in love and learning, they can also present unique challenges that require open communication, empathy, and a keen understanding of power dynamics.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist and a student of Relational Life Therapy, I often draw upon the principles of RLT to help couples navigate these complexities.
by Andrew Kravig, AMFT
The world can feel like a hellscape right now. That might be putting it mildly. This year (is it only March??) has left many of us feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and exhausted. Everywhere you look there is chaos: the ongoing challenges of climate change, political instability, social injustices, threats of authoritarianism around the globe, handling the constant barrage of news alerts about the next big crisis. Oof. It’s easy to feel as though the world is spiraling out of control. And when combined with the weight of our everyday, personal struggles, we can often find ourselves depleted, utterly drained, both mentally and emotionally. This feeling is something we call often burnout, and especially when paired with depression, it can easily crush our ability to function and stay regulated.
But there are some ways to navigate through these difficult times, rebalance yourself, and perhaps reclaim some energy, so that you can foster your well-being. “Thriving instead of striving” is how my eighth grade Health Class teacher used to put it. (Looking back, she might have known a few things. I should have paid more attention.)
To All My Queers <3
by Andrew Kravig, AMFT
I don’t know about you, but right now the world around me can feel overwhelming. This day and age can feel impossible as LGBTQ+ individuals, facing societal challenges and discrimination, on top of our daily personal struggles. In such tumultuous times, self-care becomes more than just a luxury; it becomes a vital tool for maintaining emotional, mental, and physical health. But how can LGBTQ+ people prioritize their well-being in a world that sometimes feels hostile? Here are some practical and empowering ways to navigate self-care while honoring your unique identity.
Starting therapy can feel a bit intimidating. With all the different types of therapy and advice floating around, it’s normal to feel confused about what you’re walking into. You might wonder, "What exactly is therapy? Why do some people need it? And how do I know if it’s actually helping me?" These are great questions with nuanced answers. Let’s dive into what therapy is, what it isn’t, and how to tell if it's working for you.
Living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder OCD can feel like a small, personal hell. Even folks without an OCD diagnosis can find themselves caught in obsessive or compulsive cycles that feel maddening to escape. No matter the severity of your struggle with obsessions or compulsions, learning how to navigate and manage them can be life-changing.
Here are some tips for managing OCD, from a therapist who has been there.
It seems like a lot of people are using the internet to diagnose themselves. And it’s a great resource - people should have access to information that is relevant to their health. One of the problems with this deluge of information, however, is that it doesn’t take everyone’s personal experience into account. And before you know it, you could have a list of diagnoses that can do more harm than good.
Experiencing low moods is a natural part of life, but when these feelings persist longer than usual, it can impact various aspects of your life. Understanding how depression and prolonged low moods affect you is essential for managing your mental health. How do these feelings influence personal care, friendships, relationships, work life, and overall happiness. What can you do about it to help yourself, and when will seeing a therapist be helpful?
Has this ever happened to you? You’re sitting at home deliberating over whether to put on your shoes and see some friends for a night out. Maybe you should just cancel. All it would take is a text, “Sorry, can’t make it. Have a headache. :(” The temptation to climb in bed and hide under the covers grows enormous. All you can think about is that weird thing you said last week in front of a new acquaintance. Or that mistake you made at work. Or the big project that’s due next week. You’re definitely going to blow it. Your friends probably don’t really care about seeing you anyway.
But there’s another part of you, too. The part of you that loves your friends. That knows self- isolating will only make things worse. So why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we choose to opt out of things when that’s not really what we want? And, more importantly, what can we do about it when our anxious thoughts commandeer our behaviors, steering us away from what truly matters?
This is where cognitive defusion, a cornerstone of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), comes in. Cognitive defusion helps us “unhook” from anxious thoughts by creating space between us and the mental chatter. Instead of fighting or believing every thought, we learn to observe them with curiosity and let them come and go without being controlled by them.
By Sara Stanizai.
In my previous post, we explored how childhood dynamics shape our adult relationships, identifying common roles such as the Hero Child, Scapegoat Child, and Lost Child. Understanding these roles is the first step toward healing our relationships, but the real work lies in transforming these ingrained patterns into healthier relational dynamics.
Maybe you resonated with one or more of these roles. But now what?
What do you do when you feel stuck in these relationship patterns from your family?
According to Relational Life Therapy, understanding and using the basic concepts of the Adaptive Child, Wounded Child, and Wise Adult can help guide your journey toward healthier relationships.
By Sara Stanizai
It might be a therapy cliche, but our family roles profoundly shape who we become as adults.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this (and sharing with my clients) especially recently. I’m making my way through a certification and training with my therapy hero, Terry Real, an LCSW and the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT).
In our trainings, he sheds light on the specific roles children often adopt within their families of origin. These roles—such as the Hero Child, the Scapegoat Child, and the Lost version of each of these—can have lasting effects on our behaviors and relationships as we navigate adulthood.
This especially resonates as I run the Eldest Daughters group and do more research on the impact of birth order on our mental health. It’s never as cut and dry as eldest/middle/youngest/only.
Understanding these roles can help us identify patterns in our romantic relationships, friendships, and professional lives, providing a pathway to healing and personal growth that we may not find in traditional therapies.
Which one are you?
Like many pop psychology terms, people really throw around the idea of “going no contact.” It can be tempting to cutting ties with someone in your most heated moment — and it’s true, it can ultimately be beneficial to move on with your life.
But if you value community care, and wanting to do right by the people in your life, it can be confusing to figure out when and if it’s the right decision, and how to ethically do it.
What does going no contact actually mean and how can it help or harm you? How do you know if it’s the right decision for you? Have you truly done all you can - and should you?
The phrase “trauma-informed” is being thrown around all over the internet, but what does it actually mean?
Being trauma-informed goes beyond simply acknowledging the existence of trauma and its effects on mental health. Trauma-informed therapy is an actual approach to care that revolves around specific core principles. What a skilled therapist does with those principles, and how they implement them in the therapy room, will vary.
How we generate trust, safety, choice, collaboration and empowerment for our clients depends on what you have experienced in the past and what you might need now. (It’s those. Those are the principles.) This involves a deliberate and thoughtful approach to therapy that influences every choice we make as a therapist, both in session and when setting up our practice.
If you’re seeking therapy or if you’re a therapist yourself, it’s crucial to understand this concept so that you know how therapy works — and if it’s working for you.
Most of my clients have been to therapy before. Many have tried therapy several times over their life, but they never felt it was that helpful or they found it difficult to find a therapist who was a good fit. There are plenty of reasons why this might be the case, and this post aims to explore one of the main offenders: a very common type of therapy practiced is CBT, and using CBT alone may not be a great choice for neurodivergent brains.
No matter how hard parents work to offer the “perfect” childhood, traumatic events are all-too-skilled at finding their way into our life experience, like speed bumps in our path. And maybe they aren’t just bumps… maybe they feel like giant, icy mountains that we will never be able to scale or summit.
Trauma from our childhood can linger and have damaging effects on our adult lives, whether that effect is great or small. Addressing and healing from that trauma is often an essential step towards living a full, functional life as an adult.
When love starts to fade, communication breaks down, and trust feels damaged beyond repair, it's easy to lose hope. In the midst of conflict and pain, it can feel as though the bond you once shared has been irreparably broken. But there is a way through the darkness. It's a path that requires courage, patience, and a willingness to change. Couples therapy, especially the research-backed Gottman Method, provides the tools and support you need to rebuild a strong, healthy partnership. It offers a lifeline in the storm, a beacon of hope that your relationship can not only survive but thrive once again. By focusing on strengthening the four pillars of a successful relationship – friendship, shared meaning, conflict management, and emotional connection – the Gottman Method offers a roadmap to healing and recovery. It equips couples with the skills and insights to break destructive patterns, rebuild trust, and create a partnership based on respect, understanding, and mutual support.
When it comes to your mental health, the importance of finding the right therapist cannot be overstated. Finding someone who gets your life and empathizes with your goals can be tricky if your life doesn’t look mainstream, which is the case for most of our neurodivergent clients. Plus, you deserve excellent clinical care! A shortcut to finding a therapist that is a great fit is looking for neurodivergent affirming therapists, who are often therapists who are neurodivergent themselves. Neurodivergent therapists bring a unique perspective to the therapeutic relationship, offering a myriad of benefits for both neurodivergent and neurotypical clients.
Getting to know yourself and learning how your brain works can be a tricky journey, especially when it comes to neurodivergent experiences like ADHD. There is so much information online, but it’s hard to tell what’s a trustworthy source, and some sources seem to directly contradict others, making it quickly overwhelming. If you find yourself wondering, "How do I know if I have ADHD? Do I need to see a professional or can I diagnose myself?" this post is for you, written from a neurodiversity-affirming perspective.
It’s 2024- even on a good day, there’s a lot to feel anxious about. There’s the big picture: global warming, pandemic, human rights violations, inflation, uncertain job futures- and that’s not even considering individual stressors like difficult jobs or strained relationships.
We all feel anxiety sometimes and we all have different ways to cope with it. For some of us, we like to get a little spendy: enter doom spending. Whether it's impulsively buying items online or constantly seeking comfort in retail therapy, doom spending can become a harmful coping mechanism. In this post, we'll explore the connection between anxiety and doom spending, and more importantly, discuss healthy coping strategies to break free from this cycle.
Stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is a term commonly associated with neurodivergent individuals, including ADHD and autistic adults.
But what is it, actually? And- does it serve a purpose?
By de-pathologizing and normalizing stimming, we can better understand its benefits for the nervous system and overall mental health. It’s super important to support/encourage stimming for those who find it helpful, and explore how affirming therapists can support ADHD adults in various aspects of their lives.
You may be familiar with the term Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). It’s not gender dysphoria or being a highly sensitive person. If you spend any time on mental health channels on social media, you know these words can all start to sound the same.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is an emotional response to the perception of rejection or criticism, which can be more intense for individuals with ADHD or certain neurodivergent traits.
It goes without saying, then, that RSD can have a huge impact on relationships. It can manifest as hypersensitivity, fear of abandonment, and emotional volatility. Unfortunately, these can easily be confused with attachment issues, personality disorders, even abuse. It is crucial for partners to recognize that RSD is not a character flaw but a neurobiological response.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria can significantly impact relationships, causing emotional turmoil and strained connections. However, with understanding, communication, and a few proactive strategies, managing RSD within your relationship is possible.
