You have permission to be human.

Life is hard enough. We don’t need to make it harder by judging ourselves against some completely made-up rules. They’re made up.

When we find ourselves facing an inconvenient, disappointing, or surprising situation, we’re reminded how little control we have. Sometimes, there’s nowhere to hide from uncertainty. 

Worst of all, many of us start to judge ourselves for all of the ways that we don’t seem to measure up. 

And even though we know those rules are made up, they feel real.

“If I were strong/smart/confident/good enough, the ups and downs of life wouldn’t bother me. I could handle anything that comes my way.”

“It’s not the realities of a complex and evolving society that are the problem – it’s ME.”

Sound familiar?

My experience as a therapist and as a human have taught me that this inner critic, however convincing it may seem, is dead wrong.

My personal journey toward self-compassion and acceptance has been a long one. From my rural, religious roots to building a big, queer life filled with love and community on my terms. And even though there is always more road to travel, I know that it’s been worth it because it gives me permission to explore who I really am and realize that there are no foregone conclusions in life. 

Sometimes that also means giving myself permission to fail. To be weird. And yes, to be inconvenient, disappointing, or surprising. 

What is therapy with me like?

We don’t have to “perform” being human, we can just connect as our real selves. That means our therapeutic relationship will look different for different people – and that’s a good thing! Therapy is too vulnerable to be one-size-fits-all. 

In other words, If I’m doing my job correctly, our sessions will likely:

• Feel energizing and playful, with room for humor and levity

• Make space for difficult emotions, like anger, vulnerability, and pain

• Center on you and your experiences, not my opinion or judgment

• Allow you to set your own limits and go at your pace

• Be a venue for exploring healthy boundaries and interpersonal conflict – yes, even with your therapist

• Be a relationship that accepts, empowers, validates, and challenges you

Who are my People?

Queer, trans, and nonbinary folks and their loved ones, figuring out who they are in a world that insists on shoving people into boxes. Whether you’re looking for therapy on your own or as a family, I want to make space for you that doesn’t question who you are or make decisions for you. Maybe you’re newly transitioning and you need to delve into the unexplored parts of yourself. Maybe you’re a partner who needs a supportive person to work out their own feelings. Maybe you are a couple that just wants someone who isn’t going to scrutinize your relationship just because one of you is trans. You deserve gender affirming care. Read more about couples therapy here.

Dorks, geeks, gamers, the fandom obsessed - this is a safe space for nerds and creatives! PLEASE tell me about your niche hobbies and interests. I’m here for all of it. And how cool would it be if they held some symbolic metaphor for the issues you’re working through in therapy? Having a therapist who understands these often misunderstood hobbies and communities can help you fully be yourself. And that in itself is often part of healing.

Family outcasts who are seeking self-acceptance or belonging: Growing up with difficult family relationships can feel painful and isolating, like you have no back-up and no foundation. You might feel forced to choose between either going “no-contact,” or hiding important parts of yourself. If you’re tired of being the family scapegoat, therapy can help you learn to center yourself, work through trauma, and renegotiate your relationships. Read more about being the black sheep of your family here.

People curious and interested in exploring their values, diving into existential questions, and figuring out what really matters to them. If the “what brings you to therapy” question has a giant answer, I want to meet you. Sometimes there isn’t something specifically “wrong,” but it’s more of an overwhelming feeling of being lost or in an identity crisis. Sometimes we feel like we’re falling behind, but we don’t even know where we’re supposed to be going. And maybe nothing in your day-to-day is particularly distressing, but we can work on understanding yourself and the world around you in a new way. Yes, there is therapy for that. 

Queer or trans teens who need an adult on their side: It’s hard being a kid! So often adults forget that children and teens have their own internal worlds. If you’re a kid, especially a LGBTQ+ identified kid, you might find yourself feeling angry, powerless, and not worthy of respect from your peers or adults in your life. I know that bullies can be any age and that sometimes adults use their authority to bully kids. Read more about trans-affirming therapy here.

People struggling with low self-esteem and anxiety: Maybe you don’t believe in yourself. Perhaps somewhere down the line you’ve received the message that you weren’t good enough. You feel inadequate and unprepared for life. Sometimes these feelings of insecurity sit heavy in your heart; sometimes you feel so out of control from the pressure that your body goes into panic mode. It’s painful either way and we can help you find your way through it. Read more about therapy for anxiety here.

Here’s what I want you to know

You know how people look back on their past challenges and can’t believe they once seemed insurmountable? That can be you!

You no longer need to punish yourself for things you weren’t even responsible for in the first place. 

You can differentiate yourself from others’ desires and demands and pursue a life that is meaningful to you. 

You don’t have to end up where you started. 

As cheesy as it is, I want my clients to know that you are enough exactly as you are–whatever your life circumstances. Your struggles don’t define you and you don’t have to wait until you go on a self-improvement journey or become the best possible version of yourself to start being kind to yourself. Self-compassion and acceptance was never something you had to earn.

The details

• Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist #138201.

• Specialized training & Experience:

  • Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Levels 1 + 2)

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples/partners

  • LGBTQAI+ and polyamorous couples/relationships and individuals

  • Trans Youth Care (16 hours)

  • Trauma-informed therapist consultation group (ongoing)

  • Group facilitator: Partner Perspectives: a psychotherapy group for partners of trans people to find support and process thoughts and feelings related to their loved one’s transition.

• Education:

  • MS, Counseling from CSU Fullerton

  • BA, Sociology from CSU Long Beach

• What I am doing besides being a therapist:

  • Going on long walks and befriending and naming the neighborhood cats.

  • Writing fiction/short stories. 

  • Currently playing: Sekiro. (An Ace Attorney replay is on the horizon.)