by Brianna Patti.
“It can be easier to believe resting is simply about retiring to your bed when you are tired instead of beginning the messy process of deconstructing your own beliefs and behaviors that are aligned with white supremacy and capitalism. You must be committed to studying how training under the abusive teachings of dominant culture has you bound and limited. This is healing work. This is justice work. When we are aligned against the ideas of the oppressive culture, we understand we didn’t arrive on Earth to be a tool for a capitalist system.”
― Tricia Hersey, Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto
Like many therapists, I have a very long list of books that I try to keep up with. This job benefits from constant learning, and I get really excited when a client mentions something that’s directly related to what I’ve read recently. If you’re under the capitalistic spell of hustle culture, body shame, and/or a sense of disappointment about the aesthetics of the clutter in your home, stick with me on this one.
If you’ve ever looked around your messy room and assumed that it meant something about you, this post is for you. I’m talking to my fellow victims of the Lazy label who beat themselves up for functioning in a sea of dirty dishes and half-completed projects (I’m staring at a coffee mug, a salad bowl, and several completed + 1 incomplete strand of beads that I swear I’m going to turn into one of those viral beaded plants [not an affiliate link; just a great example] as I write this).
These books held my hand and explained how lessons about shame, grind culture, and a disconnection from my body/sense of self have been instilled in me. They reminded me that I’m not obligated to justify my need for rest and self-indulgence. I felt embraced by these authors’ assertion that I mattered.
Consider checking your local library for a physical/digital copy or audiobook of any/all 3 of these books. If you read them yourself, you might believe me when I say: You do not have to earn your right to rest, care, or love. You are inherently worthy of these and you are enough.
Lesson 1: Caring for yourself + your space is morally neutral
KC Davis introduces a simple but powerful idea in chapter 1 of Keeping House While Drowning: “Care tasks are morally neutral.” That means signs of life (i.e., dirty dishes as a result of feeding yourself or a full laundry basket from going to work to make ends meet) do not make you a bad person. These are just tasks and are not a measure of your value.
Instead of chasing perfection, Davis offers a new mantra: “Good enough is perfect.” The goal isn’t to have a spotless home—it’s to make your space functionable enough for your lifestyle. If that means using paper plates or letting clothes live in a basket, so be it. If this allows you to feed and clothe yourself, that is perfect. You deserve to feel safe and cared for, even if others would describe your methods as “imperfect.”
This shift is especially important for neurodivergent people. Executive dysfunction, sensory overload, or low energy can make even the smallest task feel like climbing a mountain. Davis encourages you to let go of the shame of incomplete care tasks. She reminds you that you’re not lazy—you’re living with real limits in a world that wasn’t built with you in mind.
Lesson 2: Radical Self-Love: Coming Home to Yourself
To take this even further, Sonya Renee Taylor, in The Body Is Not an Apology, explains that society piles shame onto us—shame about our bodies, our brains, our abilities, our energy levels. Over time, we start to believe these lies. But radical self-love helps us unlearn them. It reminds us that our bodies are not problems to solve. They’re not broken. They’re not too much or not enough. They are ours, and they deserve care, exactly as they are.
This is especially healing for those of us who have always felt “different” or “wrong.” Taylor helps us come back to ourselves—to that original, sacred sense of self-love we were born with.
Taylor invites you to remember something deep and true: you were born with radical self-love. It’s not something you have to earn. It’s not about confidence or liking every part of yourself. It’s a foundational truth—you are whole, worthy, and good just as you are.
Lesson 3: Rest Is Resistance: Reclaiming Your Time and Energy
And here’s where Tricia Hersey’s Rest Is Resistance comes in. Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry, teaches us that rest is a divine right—not something to earn after we’ve worked ourselves to the bone.
She calls out the harm of grind culture (i.e., the belief that we always have to be doing more, producing more, being “better.”) This toxic mindset convinces us to ignore our bodies and push past our capacity. But as Hersey says, “Grind culture is violence and violence creates trauma.” Capitalism infects your ability to check in with yourself.
Choosing to rest isn’t laziness. It’s rebellion. It’s a way to reconnect with your humanity. Hersey reminds us that slowing down is not only allowed—it’s necessary.
This is why Hersey’s encouragement to stop measuring yourself by productivity pairs so well with Davis and Taylor. When we reject others’ urgency and take time to rest, we are rebelling against the harm that we’ve been taught to endure. Choosing to rest rather than perfecting our product (whatever that means to you) will require turning in work that is just good enough.
Final Thoughts
When you bring all these voices together, the message is loud and clear:
You don’t have to hustle your way to worthiness. You don’t have to perfect your space or your body. You don’t have to suffer to deserve care.
How to Keep House While Drowning, The Body Is Not an Apology, and Rest Is Resistance are all powerful guides that can help you unlearn shame, resist grind culture, and reconnect with yourself. They remind you that care is not something you owe the world—it’s something you give to yourself because you matter.
And these books are a good way to move your emotional wellbeing journey along without going to therapy. Even forcing yourself to go to therapy when you’re not ready is a way of adhering to the culture of constant improvement. While I believe that everyone can benefit from therapy, I also think it works best when you feel ready for the process.
If you do want more personalized support in putting these ideas into practice, therapy can be a place to explore what rest, care, and radical self-love look like for you. Let’s start exactly where you are—no shame, no pressure, just support.
Up next in my to be read list: Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price.
Read more about therapy with Brianna here.