relationships
Sara Stanizai
Are Family Roles for Life?

By Sara Stanizai.

In my previous post, we explored how childhood dynamics shape our adult relationships, identifying common roles such as the Hero Child, Scapegoat Child, and Lost Child. Understanding these roles is the first step toward healing our relationships, but the real work lies in transforming these ingrained patterns into healthier relational dynamics.

Maybe you resonated with one or more of these roles. But now what?

What do you do when you feel stuck in these relationship patterns from your family?

According to Relational Life Therapy, understanding and using the basic concepts of the Adaptive Child, Wounded Child, and Wise Adult can help guide your journey toward healthier relationships.

Are Family Roles for Life?
relationships
Sara Stanizai
Heroes, Scapegoats, and Lost Ones: How ...

By Sara Stanizai

It might be a therapy cliche, but our family roles profoundly shape who we become as adults.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this (and sharing with my clients) especially recently. I’m making my way through a certification and training with my therapy hero, Terry Real, an LCSW and the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT).

In our trainings, he sheds light on the specific roles children often adopt within their families of origin. These roles—such as the Hero Child, the Scapegoat Child, and the Lost version of each of these—can have lasting effects on our behaviors and relationships as we navigate adulthood.

This especially resonates as I run the Eldest Daughters group and do more research on the impact of birth order on our mental health. It’s never as cut and dry as eldest/middle/youngest/only.

Understanding these roles can help us identify patterns in our romantic relationships, friendships, and professional lives, providing a pathway to healing and personal growth that we may not find in traditional therapies.

Which one are you?

Heroes, Scapegoats, and Lost Ones: How Childhood Dynamics Shape Adult Relationships
relationships
Sara Stanizai
No Contact: Navigating the Decision to Cut Ties

Like many pop psychology terms, people really throw around the idea of “going no contact.” It can be tempting to cutting ties with someone in your most heated moment — and it’s true, it can ultimately be beneficial to move on with your life.

But if you value community care, and wanting to do right by the people in your life, it can be confusing to figure out when and if it’s the right decision, and how to ethically do it.

What does going no contact actually mean and how can it help or harm you? How do you know if it’s the right decision for you? Have you truly done all you can - and should you?

No Contact: Navigating the Decision to Cut Ties
Sara Stanizai
What is Trauma-Informed Therapy?

The phrase “trauma-informed” is being thrown around all over the internet, but what does it actually mean?

Being trauma-informed goes beyond simply acknowledging the existence of trauma and its effects on mental health. Trauma-informed therapy is an actual approach to care that revolves around specific core principles. What a skilled therapist does with those principles, and how they implement them in the therapy room, will vary.

How we generate trust, safety, choice, collaboration and empowerment for our clients depends on what you have experienced in the past and what you might need now. (It’s those. Those are the principles.) This involves a deliberate and thoughtful approach to therapy that influences every choice we make as a therapist, both in session and when setting up our practice.

If you’re seeking therapy or if you’re a therapist yourself, it’s crucial to understand this concept so that you know how therapy works — and if it’s working for you.

What is Trauma-Informed Therapy?
Nik Stancil
"Therapy never worked for me": CBT isn't enough ...

Most of my clients have been to therapy before. Many have tried therapy several times over their life, but they never felt it was that helpful or they found it difficult to find a therapist who was a good fit. There are plenty of reasons why this might be the case, and this post aims to explore one of the main offenders: a very common type of therapy practiced is CBT, and using CBT alone may not be a great choice for neurodivergent brains. 

"Therapy never worked for me": CBT isn't enough for neurodivergent clients seeking long-term healing

how therapy works

What Kind of Therapist Do You Want?

What Kind of Therapist Do You Want?

Choosing a therapist can be a PROCESS. You most likely aren’t looking for someone to talk about the weather with. This person will be learning about your life experiences, your trauma, your deepest fears and insecurities, and maybe even your wildest thoughts. There is a deep level of intimacy and trust that has to be built and maintained.

Though it is entirely professional, it is still a relationship that can be incredibly impactful and profound on your life. Sometimes it can feel like trying to pick your soulmate without even meeting them. And we’ve all seen those shows on Netflix… that shit does NOT always work so well.

There are many different types of therapists out there, with a variety of specialties, experiences, backgrounds, educations, schools of thought, and even couch styles or Zoom backgrounds. It’s important to do some research on the styles and schools of therapy. This will help you know what to expect when it comes to the literal format of the sessions. Doing your homework can be useful sometimes, I promise.

How Long Before Therapy Starts Working?

How Long Before Therapy Starts Working?

Finally getting to speak to someone when you’ve been thinking about issues for weeks, months, or years can be a powerful relief.

It might also be uncomfortable, awkward, and nerve-wracking. It takes courage to admit that aspects of your life could be better. It takes courage to seek out help and admit some of the things you’re not proud of.

For some clients, the first appointment is the worst part. What do I say? Where do I start? What if they’re weird?

But if you’ve found the right therapist, you will feel better by the end of your first session.

After that initial relief wears off, however, you might think that therapy has stalled out. This is especially true for folks who tend to avoid uncomfortable feelings.

Once you have gotten your first few insights and perhaps solved a problem or two -- you might think you’re done. It will be tempting to take a break from therapy, or schedule “check-ins” when you’re stressed.

Of course, you can do that. There’s no rule that says you have to come to therapy every week. But you might be missing out on some of the best parts of therapy if you do.

What Does Your Therapist Really Think About You?

What Does Your Therapist Really Think About You?

When something big happens, whether it’s amazing or absolutely horrible, you typically want to text or call the people you love the most. But often, if you’re seeing a therapist regularly, they may be on that short list of who you want to talk to.

So how do you categorize them? As a friend, a loved one, a paid professional? And even weirder to think about… What do they think about you? This can seem confusing, but it probably just means you’re in relational therapy.

Convenient to Long Beach and Seal Beach at:

4510 E Pacific Coast Hwy, #540, Long Beach, CA 90804

contact@prospecttherapy.com | (562) 704-4736