by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT
Has this ever happened to you? You’re sitting at home deliberating over whether to put on your shoes and see some friends for a night out. Maybe you should just cancel. All it would take is a text, “Sorry, can’t make it. Have a headache. :(” The temptation to climb in bed and hide under the covers grows enormous. All you can think about is that weird thing you said last week in front of a new acquaintance. Or that mistake you made at work. Or the big project that’s due next week. You’re definitely going to blow it. Your friends probably don’t really care about seeing you anyway.
But there’s another part of you, too. The part of you that loves your friends. That knows self- isolating will only make things worse. So why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we choose to opt out of things when that’s not really what we want? And, more importantly, what can we do about it when our anxious thoughts commandeer our behaviors, steering us away from what truly matters?
This is where cognitive defusion, a cornerstone of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), comes in. Cognitive defusion helps us “unhook” from anxious thoughts by creating space between us and the mental chatter. Instead of fighting or believing every thought, we learn to observe them with curiosity and let them come and go without being controlled by them.
Here are five simple, practical ways to apply cognitive defusion and unhook from anxious thoughts:
1. Label Your Thoughts
One simple but powerful way to create distance from anxious thoughts is to label and acknowledge them for what they are: thoughts. For example when the thought “I’m going to fail this presentation” shows up, try engaging it mindfully. Say to yourself, “I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail this presentation.” Or, even better, “I notice I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail this presentation.”
This slight shift changes your relationship with the thought. Instead of being consumed by it, you recognize it as a mental event passing through your mind. It’s like watching a cloud drift across the sky—present for a moment, but not permanent.
2. Use Silly Voices or Sing Your Thoughts
Anxious thoughts often feel so serious and urgent. But what happens when you sing them to the tune of “Happy Birthday” or say them in a cartoonish voice? Sometimes choosing to engage playfully can introduce some much needed breathing room into what can often be an oppressive, suffocating experience.
For example, take the thought “I’m not good enough” and say it in a squeaky, exaggerated tone. This technique helps take the sting out of the thought, making it easier to see it for what it is—a string of words, not a command you must obey.
3. Imagine Your Thoughts as Leaves on a Stream
This visualization exercise is a classic cognitive defusion technique. Picture a gentle stream flowing by, and imagine placing each anxious thought on a leaf. Watch the leaf float downstream, carrying the thought away.
The goal isn’t to push the thoughts away or make them stop—it’s to practice letting them come and go without clinging to them. This can be especially helpful if you feel overwhelmed by a flood of worries.
4. Get Curious About Your Thoughts
Instead of automatically believing or reacting to an anxious thought, try asking yourself questions about it. For example:
- “What is this thought trying to communicate?”
- “What makes this thought so compelling?”
- “How would I respond to a friend who had this thought?”
Approaching your thoughts with curiosity, rather than judgment, helps you gain perspective. You don’t have to “fix” or silence the thoughts; instead, you can explore them and see if they truly serve you.
5. Thank Your Mind
Sometimes, it helps to acknowledge your mind’s efforts with gratitude. For instance, when your mind warns you about something (even in an unhelpful way), you can say, “Thanks, mind, for trying to protect me.”
This simple phrase can shift your mindset. Instead of feeling frustrated or trapped by your anxious thoughts, you recognize that your mind is doing what it’s designed to do—anticipate danger and solve problems. You can appreciate this while choosing not to dwell on the thoughts.
Why Unhooking Matters
When we get “hooked” by anxious thoughts, they can dominate our attention and lead us to avoid things we value—whether that’s pursuing a goal, spending time with loved ones, or simply enjoying the present moment. Cognitive defusion empowers us to step back, unhook, and make choices aligned with our values, rather than being dictated by fear.
A gentle reminder, however: unhooking from anxious thoughts doesn’t mean eliminating them. Anxiety is a natural part of being human, and thoughts will continue to arise. The goal of cognitive defusion isn’t to control or suppress your thoughts but to change how you relate to them. With practice, these techniques can help you create a little more space, a little more freedom, and a lot more peace in your life.
Read more about Therapy for Anxiety here, and Therapy with Tiffany here.