relationships
Sara Stanizai
Are Family Roles for Life?

By Sara Stanizai.

In my previous post, we explored how childhood dynamics shape our adult relationships, identifying common roles such as the Hero Child, Scapegoat Child, and Lost Child. Understanding these roles is the first step toward healing our relationships, but the real work lies in transforming these ingrained patterns into healthier relational dynamics.

Maybe you resonated with one or more of these roles. But now what?

What do you do when you feel stuck in these relationship patterns from your family?

According to Relational Life Therapy, understanding and using the basic concepts of the Adaptive Child, Wounded Child, and Wise Adult can help guide your journey toward healthier relationships.

Are Family Roles for Life?
relationships
Sara Stanizai
Heroes, Scapegoats, and Lost Ones: How ...

By Sara Stanizai

It might be a therapy cliche, but our family roles profoundly shape who we become as adults.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this (and sharing with my clients) especially recently. I’m making my way through a certification and training with my therapy hero, Terry Real, an LCSW and the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT).

In our trainings, he sheds light on the specific roles children often adopt within their families of origin. These roles—such as the Hero Child, the Scapegoat Child, and the Lost version of each of these—can have lasting effects on our behaviors and relationships as we navigate adulthood.

This especially resonates as I run the Eldest Daughters group and do more research on the impact of birth order on our mental health. It’s never as cut and dry as eldest/middle/youngest/only.

Understanding these roles can help us identify patterns in our romantic relationships, friendships, and professional lives, providing a pathway to healing and personal growth that we may not find in traditional therapies.

Which one are you?

Heroes, Scapegoats, and Lost Ones: How Childhood Dynamics Shape Adult Relationships
relationships
Sara Stanizai
No Contact: Navigating the Decision to Cut Ties

Like many pop psychology terms, people really throw around the idea of “going no contact.” It can be tempting to cutting ties with someone in your most heated moment — and it’s true, it can ultimately be beneficial to move on with your life.

But if you value community care, and wanting to do right by the people in your life, it can be confusing to figure out when and if it’s the right decision, and how to ethically do it.

What does going no contact actually mean and how can it help or harm you? How do you know if it’s the right decision for you? Have you truly done all you can - and should you?

No Contact: Navigating the Decision to Cut Ties
Sara Stanizai
What is Trauma-Informed Therapy?

The phrase “trauma-informed” is being thrown around all over the internet, but what does it actually mean?

Being trauma-informed goes beyond simply acknowledging the existence of trauma and its effects on mental health. Trauma-informed therapy is an actual approach to care that revolves around specific core principles. What a skilled therapist does with those principles, and how they implement them in the therapy room, will vary.

How we generate trust, safety, choice, collaboration and empowerment for our clients depends on what you have experienced in the past and what you might need now. (It’s those. Those are the principles.) This involves a deliberate and thoughtful approach to therapy that influences every choice we make as a therapist, both in session and when setting up our practice.

If you’re seeking therapy or if you’re a therapist yourself, it’s crucial to understand this concept so that you know how therapy works — and if it’s working for you.

What is Trauma-Informed Therapy?
Nik Stancil
"Therapy never worked for me": CBT isn't enough ...

Most of my clients have been to therapy before. Many have tried therapy several times over their life, but they never felt it was that helpful or they found it difficult to find a therapist who was a good fit. There are plenty of reasons why this might be the case, and this post aims to explore one of the main offenders: a very common type of therapy practiced is CBT, and using CBT alone may not be a great choice for neurodivergent brains. 

"Therapy never worked for me": CBT isn't enough for neurodivergent clients seeking long-term healing

couples therapy

Relational Trauma and its Lasting Impact

Relational Trauma and its Lasting Impact

Hear me out.

Let’s say you have a broken blender at home. Every time you try to make a smoothie, it tips off the counter and splashes your fruit purée all over the kitchen floor. Sometimes you can salvage some of the smoothie, but most of the time, it just leaves you hungry, flinching, and trying to block out the loud whirring, while covered in a mess of mangled fruit and yogurt. You end up feeling like you’ll never get that refreshing sip you came for!

Abusive relationships are similar in that they leave us with reflexive jumpiness, feelings of mistrust, emptiness, and hopelessness. Although instead of fearing fruit purée, we end up fearing people. Sometimes people we love deeply.

But your relationships don’t have to feel like a broken blender. Finding those healthy relationships may not always be as easy as driving to the store and picking up a new appliance, but there are steps you can take and principles you can follow to avoid the traumatic mess of unhealthy relationships. Here are some pointers to help you identify and avoid toxic relationships and the damage they leave behind.

Are Ultimatums in Relationships Ever a Good Idea?

Are Ultimatums in Relationships Ever a Good Idea?

I was asked to contribute to an article at Dame inspired by the Netflix original show, The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On.

I had heard of the show, but didn’t binge watch it until AFTER I contributed to this article. (My opinion didn’t really change after I finally did watch it, though.)

Essentially, I explained that boundaries are limits that we hold ourselves to. Ultimatums are expectations we put on others. And while boundaries preserve relationships, ultimatums threaten them.

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I Still Want to Like You After This: Relationships in Quarantine

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I Still Want to Like You After This: Relationships in Quarantine

The first week or two was OK. It was fun staying in sweatpants. You enjoyed some comfort food. Made a group project out of being sure you had supplies for the time being.

Now you’re getting on each others' nerves a little bit. The cabin fever is setting in, and you're learning more than you thought possible about your partner.

These are stressful times, to be sure. A quarantine of undetermined length can certainly wear on even the strongest relationships. There’s a sentence I didn’t predict I would write. But here we are.

Here are some suggestions for how to maintain a calm and comforting environment with your partner. Bonus: These tips will remain helpful for when we emerge from this pandemic more grateful and appreciative of all our connections. xoxo

Check Your Relationship Health: 4 Indicators for Success

Check Your Relationship Health: 4 Indicators for Success

No relationship is perfect, as no single person is perfect.. But how can you tell if you’re making things better - or making things worse?

Whether your relationship is a few months old or a few decades old, there is never a wrong time to consider your relationship’s health.

No matter what specifically you’re disagreeing about, these are signs that point to strength or weak spots in your relationship.

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Why It Matters: Three Ways LGBTQ+ Affirming Couples Therapy is Different

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Why It Matters: Three Ways LGBTQ+ Affirming Couples Therapy is Different

Couples counseling can benefit any couple, of any age, at any time. But doing therapeutic work with the LGBTQ+ community is different. And I believe it should be.

The representation of couples counseling in mainstream media has focused heavily on cisgender, heterosexual, and monogamous couples. But what about the rest of us? The lack of representation shouldn’t dissuade you from getting the help your relationship needs.

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Why Happy Couples Go To Therapy

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Why Happy Couples Go To Therapy

When you think about the type of couples that go to therapy, you’re likely conjuring up an image of partners trying to work through adultery, or those who have even more serious problems. But that’s not always the case.

While it is true that you definitely should go to a therapist if you are having trouble with your partner, the real answer to “should my partner and I go to couple’s therapy?” is always yes. Read on to find out how therapy can benefit even the happiest couples.

How to Tell if your Partner Respects You

How to Tell if your Partner Respects You

Couples sometimes panic when they start having the same disagreement over and over again. They're worried it's a sign of a fundamental mismatch in their relationship. They may avoid the disagreement to avoid potentially ending the relationship. But that makes things worse!

I spoke with Jamie Kravitz at Elite Daily a few weeks ago about how to tell if your partner respects you. I believe that almost any relationship can be improved, and a disagreement (even a frustrating, recurring one) doesn't necessarily mean the end. 

It's OK to go to Bed Angry

It's OK to go to Bed Angry

You're the type that wants to solve the issue right away. You don't like letting things linger. You want to get to the bottom of it and make sure it doesn't happen again. Maybe you're secretly worried that you can't work through this? So you keep at it, determined to resolve it. 

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What Happens in Couples Therapy?

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What Happens in Couples Therapy?

Most couples are unhappy for an average of 6 years before deciding to try therapy together. Whatever the reason (stigma associated with counseling, not wanting to admit they are "that couple," prioritizing work over their relationship, etc.), by the time they decide to try therapy, they aren't sure what happens next. Here's a little of what you can expect:

Convenient to Long Beach and Seal Beach at:

4510 E Pacific Coast Hwy, #540, Long Beach, CA 90804

contact@prospecttherapy.com | (562) 704-4736