by Sara Stanizai, LMFT
There’s a common, half-joking sentiment that therapists and their clients think “everything is trauma.” I tend to think that everything is grief.
What if power imbalances, trauma, depression, relationship struggles, differentiating from your family, self-esteem, or anything else that brings you therapy was actually related to grief? If you boil down a lot of our pain, it often contains some part of the grieving process. We struggle to adjust to changes and loss in one form or another. And yet, grief is often treated as a mysterious syndrome that we try to avoid but know we can’t.
This isn’t to downplay the extremely painful loss of a loved one. But on a much, much smaller scale, we are often experiencing a version of grief every time we lose something.
by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT
It seems that every day the ongoing trainwreck that is the current sociopolitical landscape brings me one uneasy step closer to embracing Doomerism - which, if you’ve been lucky to avoid the word, refers to an excessively pessimistic and fatalistic worldview. This may seem a somewhat problematic position for someone working in the mental health field, who is, ostensibly, tasked with assisting others to climb out of their own despair, anxiety, and doubt, but it nonetheless brings into sharp focus the various moral, ethical, and existential dilemmas many of us are grappling with on daily basis:
How do we continue living in an environment that appears to be fundamentally hostile to life? How do we reconcile a belief in human rights and dignity with the reality that a portion of everything you earn funds the very bombs used to destroy the lives of innocent people abroad? How do we protect the communities we care about when we ourselves are powerless? How do we behave morally while engaging in an immoral system?
And, while I certainly don’t know the answer to those questions, I do know that these are moments which challenge us - to reflect, to listen, to act. For people who find themselves frustrated with injustice, mired in feelings of powerlessness, and fearful of the future, this can mean slowing down, learning to regulate their emotions, and getting connected with their values. Below, I’ll share a few tools to do just that:
by Andrew Kravig
Every single day, we hear folks talking about how these are “unprecedented times.” Which is true, of course. These times do feel overly “unprecedented.” But what does that mean? What does it actually mean, as a lived experience, to chart an existence in a world where there is not an instruction manual or reliable guideposts to help you navigate?
by Sara Stanizai, LMFT
All relationships are inter-cultural.
We all carry our own personal, familial, cultural, national, spiritual, and other contexts with us as we try to connect with each other.
Some of these differences are more recognizable than others. While these relationships are often rich in love and learning, they can also present unique challenges that require open communication, empathy, and a keen understanding of power dynamics.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist and a student of Relational Life Therapy, I often draw upon the principles of RLT to help couples navigate these complexities.
by Andrew Kravig, AMFT
The world can feel like a hellscape right now. That might be putting it mildly. This year (is it only March??) has left many of us feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and exhausted. Everywhere you look there is chaos: the ongoing challenges of climate change, political instability, social injustices, threats of authoritarianism around the globe, handling the constant barrage of news alerts about the next big crisis. Oof. It’s easy to feel as though the world is spiraling out of control. And when combined with the weight of our everyday, personal struggles, we can often find ourselves depleted, utterly drained, both mentally and emotionally. This feeling is something we call often burnout, and especially when paired with depression, it can easily crush our ability to function and stay regulated.
But there are some ways to navigate through these difficult times, rebalance yourself, and perhaps reclaim some energy, so that you can foster your well-being. “Thriving instead of striving” is how my eighth grade Health Class teacher used to put it. (Looking back, she might have known a few things. I should have paid more attention.)
Couples counseling can benefit any couple, of any age, at any time. But doing therapeutic work with the LGBTQ+ community is different. And I believe it should be.
The representation of couples counseling in mainstream media has focused heavily on cisgender, heterosexual, and monogamous couples. But what about the rest of us? The lack of representation shouldn’t dissuade you from getting the help your relationship needs.
Sometimes, your day just really sucks. So you re-do your most recent Postmates order, put your favorite Broad City episode on for the eighty millionth time, and open up ASOS to look at the new arrivals. Two hours later, you’ve spent all your grocery money for the week on the cute shoes you felt like you absolutely needed. (They sold out last time!)
If you’ve been living with depression, you have probably tried everything to get rid of it.
It’s not as easy as just “cheering up” or “focusing on the positive,” is it? Well-meaning friends and family love giving this advice, but obviously if you could, you would have by now! Instead, you’ve tried distracting yourself by trying to constantly have fun, avoiding uncomfortable situations and focusing on anything that could be considered “self-care” (whatever that means), or just giving in and staying in bed, hoping it would clear up.
Sometimes that works! But inevitably, it comes back. Then you’re not only depressed, but frustrated that you’ve “let” depression take over again, which makes you even more depressed, irritable, and exhausted.
It’s totally normal to avoid things that make us feel uncomfortable. Whether it’s physical pain like a toothache, or something hitting us in our emotional gut, like a bill we can’t afford to pay. For some, if left unchecked, this can lead to even more depression. Avoidance and procrastination can tend to make things worse, despite the fact that they are usually just coping mechanisms for situations that are overwhelming or feel out of our control.
When you think about the type of couples that go to therapy, you’re likely conjuring up an image of partners trying to work through adultery, or those who have even more serious problems. But that’s not always the case.
While it is true that you definitely should go to a therapist if you are having trouble with your partner, the real answer to “should my partner and I go to couple’s therapy?” is always yes. Read on to find out how therapy can benefit even the happiest couples.
If the end-of-the-year holiday traditions are bringing up conflicted feelings for you, you’re not alone. For many people, feelings of nostalgia can bring up regret; trying to create (or re-create) community can feel isolating; and even joyful activities can remind us of old pains that we usually try to ignore.
Anyone who has tried to maintain a holiday tradition in the wake of a loss or major life change can tell you: Trying to keep things as they were is its own kind of torture.
Yes, another “holiday edition” blog post. They’re springing up everywhere!
This is a good one, especially for my fellow Bi+ (bisexual, pansexual, non-monosexual) folks, especially if you are in a relationship with a partner of a different gender. Bi+ people are less likely to be out, and can easily get roped into phobic rhetoric that is annoying on a good day, but triggering on a bad day.
People often feel like they have “no choice” but to commit to stressful, sometimes harmful family events. Hey guess what, you don’t have to. But if you do decide to attend, you can make it less painful for yourself and maybe even have a good time.
If your goal-setting isn't working, it might be because you're focusing on the wrong tasks. Have you ever set a deadline...and then kept moving it? Do you want to be a marathon runner but don't know where to start? Use this guide to figure out how to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Losing a parent changes who you are; I often tell people it's like joining a shitty club that no one wants to be a part of.
This week marks five years since my mom passed away.
As I reflect on the past five years, I've remembered some things and forgotten others; I've grown; I've surprised myself in a lot of ways.
Here are 100 things that happened after my mom died. If you've lost someone you're close to, you might recognize some of these.
Couples sometimes panic when they start having the same disagreement over and over again. They're worried it's a sign of a fundamental mismatch in their relationship. They may avoid the disagreement to avoid potentially ending the relationship. But that makes things worse!
I spoke with Jamie Kravitz at Elite Daily a few weeks ago about how to tell if your partner respects you. I believe that almost any relationship can be improved, and a disagreement (even a frustrating, recurring one) doesn't necessarily mean the end.
Convenient to Long Beach and Seal Beach at:
4510 E Pacific Coast Hwy, #540, Long Beach, CA 90804
contact@prospecttherapy.com | (562) 704-4736
