If you’re struggling with your mental and emotional wellness, or you are going through a difficult time in your relationship, therapy is an excellent option to help work through these issues and start to feel more like yourself again.
Some of the most common questions we get are: How many sessions of therapy do you recommend? How long does it take to work? Will I feel better right away?
These are pretty tough to answer specifically. It depends on a variety of factors.
There are the internal factors: How motivated is the person? What is motivating them? How much self-awareness are they starting out with? What skills come naturally to them?
And the external ones, like: What other stressors are present in their life? Do they have the ability to set aside private time for therapy consistently? Is cost, time, energy, or accessibility a barrier? Is there an affirming therapist available to this person?
So, technically we can’t give a very specific estimate because we don’t know the answers to all of these questions up front. But…
I’m just going to say it: You will probably feel better right away.
You deserve to feel better right away. Therapists never say this, but whatever.
Choosing to Begin Therapy
Finally getting to speak to someone when you’ve been thinking about these issues for weeks, months, or years can be a powerful relief. Just making the appointment often makes you feel better, and signals to you that you made the right choice.
It might also be uncomfortable, awkward, and nerve-wracking. It takes courage to admit that aspects of your life could be better. It takes courage to seek out help and admit some of the things you’re not proud of.
For some clients, the first appointment is the worst part. What do I say? Where do I start? What if they’re weird?
But if you’ve found the right therapist, you will feel better by the end of your first session. And the first few sessions will likely leave you really hopeful.
After that initial relief wears off, however, you might think that therapy has stalled out. This is especially true for folks who tend to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Once you have gotten your first few insights and perhaps solved a problem or two -- you might think you’re done. It will be tempting to take a break from therapy, or schedule “check-ins” when you’re stressed.
Of course, you can do that. There’s no rule that says you have to come to therapy every week. But you might be missing out on some of the best parts of therapy if you do.
What if therapy changes everything?
While some people believe seeking out therapy is the hardest part, others believe that the hard parts will crop up along the way.
Many people fear that therapy will open a can of worms and force you to change everything about your life all at once. It’s why some people avoid going in the first place. Or why they stop after the first win. (The “let me get out while I’m ahead” mentality.) But this isn’t the case.
Most of the aspects of your life - and the way you are coping with them - are totally fine.
It’s just the stories we tell about them that bother us.
It’s not really the hours of TV, the withdrawing from friends, or the giving too much to your family that’s the end of the world. The guilt we feel about these things, and the effects on our self-esteem is what gets us.
If you left therapy without figuring that you, would still go around feeling ashamed about things you don’t even need to feel ashamed about.
My therapist doesn’t get it
We often tell clients that the best part of therapy is going to be the first time you and your therapist disagree on something.
Well, actually…The first time we disagree on something, AND you trust us enough to say something about it, AND we handle it together beautifully. That means it’s working!
That means you’ve learned how to speak up for yourself and repair a rupture in a relationship. These are skills you can practice with us and take back to your family, friends, and loved ones. This is probably one of the reasons you came to therapy in the first place.
But this almost never happens in the beginning parts of therapy, and if you leave too soon, you may not get to experience it.
Having Patience with the Process
As you participate in months or years of therapy, you may feel impatient from time to time. You may question if it’s working, if it’s a waste of time, or if you’re even doing better.
As you experience doubts, remember that they’re part of the process. Also, many of the most significant benefits we get from therapy are ones we aren’t necessarily seeking. If your initial hope was to improve your self-esteem, you might begin to see improvements in your work performance and relationships.
Be open about what you might learn when you least expect it.
Trusting Yourself Along the Way
Once you begin therapy, you need to trust yourself. You are capable of changing, improving your relationships, and being a happier person. You won’t experience these changes right away, and you may feel discouraged occasionally.
If you’ve always been a high-achiever or perfectionist, it may be especially hard not to get results immediately. If you’re used to finishing tasks quickly, you may get frustrated waiting for a therapeutic breakthrough.
With time, patience, and trust, you will see improvements. Therapy isn’t about instant gratification; instead, it’s about slow but steady and sustainable growth.
There is no definitive time frame that therapy takes to work. Similarly, you won’t wake up feeling instantly better after one session. However, if you are ready for a journey of self-betterment, therapy is a great option. The skills, habits, and mindset shifts that you gain through therapy are endlessly beneficial.
As time goes on, you will notice genuine improvements in your relationship with yourself and others. You’ll have a better understanding of yourself, your behaviors, and your emotions.
When it’s time to end therapy
“Termination” is a scary word for a beautiful thing.
Termination is the process of ending the therapeutic relationship. Most people have not had a safe ending to any relationship in their lives. Being able to do this with your therapist is the gift that keeps on giving.
When this is done well, you actually leave the relationship feeling safely disconnected from your therapist, and whole within yourself.
Logically, you’ll have a sense of when it’s time to end therapy because you will have made progress on the goals that brought you in. You will also be equipped to handle them in the future. And perhaps most importantly, you’ll be able to identify if and when you need help again.
But there is also that un-quantifiable measure of knowing when you’re ready to end therapy. You just feel better, more confident in yourself, and more whole. This is called Integration.
Integration means you don’t feel like you are carrying a toolbox of coping skills around, but that you yourself are the tool. (Heh…tool.)
If you end therapy without having this experience, some might say you’re missing out on the best part. I know I keep saying everything is the best part, but it’s true! There are so many benefits of the therapeutic relationship, and ending without getting to all of them feels like a missed opportunity.
PS: When you don’t want to end therapy
There are of course many unfortunate and unavoidable reasons outside of your control or responsibility for ending therapy. If the therapist wasn’t as skilled or prepared as you thought and you need to stop seeing them. If you move away. If your financial situation changes. If your therapist is retiring or can no longer see clients.
These can be disappointing, but you can make meaning of these endings as well.
Therapist sucks and wasn’t receptive to feedback? At least you learned to advocate for yourself and set limits. Lost your insurance and have to switch therapists? Now you’re not limited by who is on your plan.
Just like with any relationship, there is a beginning, middle, and an end. (Groundbreaking, I know.) Each of these phases has its own benefits, and its own risks. Having a therapeutic relationship in your life can add so much to the rest of your relationships. Time is going to pass anyway. You might as well try something new!
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Prospect Therapy is an LGBTQ+ affirming therapy practice based in Long Beach, CA. We focus on queer + trans mental health as well as mental health for first-generation, immigrant, and bicultural communities. We continue to provide online therapy to clients throughout the state of California. Learn more about how we support individuals, teens, couples, and families in our communities by requesting a consultation at www.prospecttherapy.com.