Grief, although often misunderstood, is the natural response to loss.
It’s the name we give to the cluster of emotional, physical, and mental changes we go through when we lose someone or something. The first thing you might think of is someone passing away.
However, there are many, many forms of loss. Some of these instances, when grief goes unnoticed or invalidated, lead to a phenomenon known as disenfranchised grief.
Disenfranchised grief occurs when the loss experienced by an individual is not acknowledged or supported by society, limiting their ability to mourn openly or privately.
The concept of disenfranchised grief was originally coined by Kenneth Doka in his book Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrow. He describes three ways in which grief can be disenfranchised, or disconnected. As you navigate your own relationship to grief, I hope learning about these can be helpful.
Stigmatized Relationships and Disenfranchised Grief
Society tends to prioritize certain relationships, such as those between spouses or immediate family members, leaving many other relationships unrecognized. There are still many parts of society that do not recognize queer relationships, legally or culturally.
When someone experiences the loss of a friend, co-worker, or pet, their grief may be dismissed or downplayed by others.
When you lose someone you are not related or explicitly connected to, such as a celebrity or public figure, it can still bring up feelings of grief. If that person created art or media that got you through a tough time, or simply is associated with a certain time in your life, losing them can feel like losing the connection to that part of yourself.
These feelings are still grief - but they may be downplayed or ridiculed by others.
This lack of recognition can lead to feelings of isolation and a sense that your grief is not valid. It’s important to understand that this may be what’s going on. Otherwise, we tend to internalize the confusion and think we’re “doing too much.” The reality may be that your grief is disenfranchised due to stigmatization of your loss.
Recognizing and acknowledging the significance of all relationships is crucial in supporting individuals experiencing disenfranchised grief.
Grief and Ambiguous Loss
Disenfranchised grief can also occur in cases of ambiguous loss. This type of loss is characterized by situations where there is no clear closure or finality. If you’ve ever been ghosted by someone, or been phased out by a friend who was less and less interested in connecting with you, you know what this feels like. Same goes for if you relied on a community organization or club, and it mysteriously disappeared. Even being terminated from a job suddenly can bring very heavy feelings of grief.
In these cases, individuals may experience conflicting emotions and struggle to find closure. Society's expectation for closure and resolution can further compound their grief, as your feelings may not align with societal norms.
You might feel pressure to “move on,” or be told “it’s not that serious,” but having just a few minutes to acknowledge how crummy it feels can make a big difference for you.
It is essential to provide empathy and support to individuals navigating ambiguous loss, acknowledging the complexity of their grief.
Stigmatized Causes of Loss and Disenfranchised Grief
Another way in which grief can be disenfranchised is through stigmatized causes of death. Society's judgment and stigma surrounding certain causes of death, such as suicide, addiction, or certain illnesses, can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding for those mourning such losses in their wake.
In feminist therapy, we believe that the personal is political. Even death is political. The fact remains, sometimes people lose loved ones who held controversial beliefs, values, or positions. And while we love to repeat the phrase “two things can be true at the same time,” it’s still hard for those surviving loved ones to mourn publicly, or even sometimes privately. The conflicting feelings can get in the way of moving through grief.
Individuals grieving a stigmatized death may face blame, shame, or isolation, making it difficult for them to seek support. It is crucial to challenge societal stigmas and foster compassion and acceptance, allowing individuals to mourn their loss without judgment.
The Impact of Grief on Mental Health
Disenfranchised grief can have a significant impact on mental health. When individuals are unable to openly express their grief and receive support, it can lead to feelings of loneliness, guilt, and unresolved emotions. The lack of validation and understanding can contribute to prolonged or complicated grief reactions, increasing the risk of developing mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Creating a more inclusive and compassionate culture among your circles, that acknowledges and validates all forms of grief, is essential for promoting mental well-being. It’s also important to know your own limitations for supporting others.
Disenfranchised grief is a complex and often overlooked aspect of the grieving process. Recognizing the ways in which grief can be disenfranchised, such as stigmatized relationships, ambiguous loss, and stigmatized causes of death, is crucial in providing support and empathy to those experiencing such grief. By fostering a social justice approach to grief, we can create a society that acknowledges and respects all forms of loss, promoting mental well-being for all individuals.
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