Self-care has become something of a buzzword in the past few years, and with good reason. In an increasingly busy world, an emphasis has been put on taking time out to reflect on our own well-being and how we treat ourselves. Plus, the outdated notion that it’s wrong to be selfish or sometimes indulge is no longer the norm.
What happens when self-care turns into self-sabotage?
It can be hard to tell, but sometimes our “self-care” routines are bordering on self-sabotage, and they’re not good for us at all. While it is essential to treat yourself from time to time, and also create an environment that isn’t toxic and burning you out, it’s just as important to recognize when your habits start holding you back.
Let’s take a look at a few examples of everyday self-care routines that can border on self-sabotage if they’re done too frequently, or for the wrong reasons.
Enjoying a drink after a long day
We’ve all been there—after an exhausting day, sometimes nothing sounds better than popping the cork on a bottle of wine and just relaxing.
Alcohol can be a great way to unwind, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying a drink or two. If you choose to have a drink after a particularly grueling day, then this can qualify as self-care.
However, using alcohol or other substances routinely to dull your feelings is not actually doing you any favors. Those feelings are still there, and avoiding them just prolongs or worsens their impact. In addition, alcohol use can become a slippery slope. One drink turns into two, two into three, and before you know it, your routine involves drinking every single night. Everyone has different limits, so what may be heavy drinking for some isn’t so for others. However, becoming dependent on substances of any type to moderate or medicate our stressful emotions can lead to trouble down the line.
It’s crucial to know your limits and recognize when enough is enough. Otherwise, you may find yourself becoming too dependent on this form of self-care that may end up sabotaging you.
Obsessing about food
One of the greatest comforts in life is food. Sure, it’s helpful to make an effort to eat well and make healthy decisions about food, whatever that means for you. You are allowed to eat without feeling guilty. And food provides so much more than just nutrition and energy - there is a reason that all 256 cooking shows are so mesmerizing. Preparing, enjoying, and sharing meals can do wonders for your mental health.
It borders on self-sabotage when you stop making conscious decisions and food begins controlling you. Sometimes strict plans have the superficial appearance of being healthy, but they actually can hold you back and impact your mental health. It’s a slippery slope toward restricting, bingeing, or masking emotional distress.
Again, everyone knows what’s best for their body when it comes to food, but mindfulness goes a long way.
Avoiding situations - and the accountability that goes with them
Let’s say you had a bad fight with your best friend. You need time to cool off, so you avoid their calls and texts. You might even avoid the situation altogether and eventually end the friendship because, well, “self-care.”
And this is okay, to an extent. You’re allowed to take time to process your emotions. Furthermore, it’s for the best to temporarily avoid contact to ensure that you don’t say anything hurtful out of anger. It becomes problematic when you continuously ignore the situation, long after it occurred.
You’re sabotaging yourself when you don’t develop the skills to repair a relationship. This means taking accountability, giving an apology, and accepting where your growth happens.
Sure, no one enjoys conflict, and yet, it’s a part of life; it is inevitable whenever we attempt to have relationships with other people. At times within a relationship, you have to question whether this is a hill you’re willing to die on. Ultimately, the sooner you resolve the issue, the better you’ll feel. However, if you continue to ignore the situation, you may lose someone important to you for good. And that’s not fair to you nor the other person.
Rest vs. stagnation
No doubt about it, our culture values productivity. At times we are our own engine of workaholism, putting in 70-hour weeks to get that promotion. Other times we’re at the mercy of economic forces outside ourselves, working two jobs to make ends meet. Whatever it is that drives us, it is important to get a good night’s sleep and take the time to pause and, at times, just do nothing, in order to manage our health and our mood.
In this kind of environment, it can be hard enough to make ourselves rest. It is an important goal, if you’re always on the go. Take note, however if you stop being able to deliberately choose when you rest and when you get to work. If your pattern becomes vegging on the couch and watching Netflix every night for months, at the expense of making progress on your larger goals, there is a chance that you are escaping your feelings and avoiding confronting something within yourself.
We optimize our lives by striking a balance between resting our current selves and dedication to our future selves. If you’re not willing to stop (or at least slow down), you’ll inevitably find yourself equally unable to take action or get motivated. Ironically, skipping the rest and relaxation part will sabotage you by forcing you to a grinding halt later.
If you feel like you may be losing touch, there is no shame in seeking professional help to get your routines and priorities back on track. A therapist can help you understand where you may be bordering into sabotage territory, and how to get back onto the journey of true self-care. Prospect Therapy welcomes individuals and couples of all genders and orientations in Long Beach, Seal Beach, and surrounding areas. Call us at (562) 704-4736, or click below to schedule your free consultation.