Organized religion has its blessings and its curses. On one hand, it saves you a seat within a larger community focused on mutual values and faith. On the other, it can pressure you to meet norms of conventionality by suppressing certain parts of yourself.
This is especially true for Muslims in America. Not only can performing public displays of faith be even harder because of the stereotypes they face from mainstream culture, but there are many mosques and religious communities who may not accept you for your experiences or identities.
While you try to weigh the pros and cons, having to choose between yourself and your beliefs can cause serious mental health issues; not just anxiety or depression, but trauma and PTSD depending on the experience you had with your faith’s main leaders or elders.
Know that you don’t have to choose. You can leave the masjid, (or temple or church) while still keeping religion, faith, and spirituality in your life.
Leaving the Masjid Does Not Make You a Moral Failure
Many organized religions teach members that discontinuing with the mosque, temple, or church is the same as discontinuing a relationship with God altogether. If you’ve found irregularities in your institution’s lessons before, count this as another.
You may find that practicing your faith at home gives you more space to make religion more fulfilling and personal.
No building or individual leader can define your faith for you.
The Mental Health Toll on Leaving Organized Religion (even when it’s the right choice)
Studies show that it takes about five years to get over the fear of death after leaving religion or an organized institution. If your masjid convinces you that leaving would compromise your ability to get into Jannah, or Heaven, it can overwhelm you with feelings of guilt and regret.
This causes many people who leave organized religion to feel like they lost their access to a blessed afterlife. Feeling like you have nothing to live for can make it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Plus, having no sense of community can leave you feeling isolated and anxious. No one is asking you to get out of bed, so why move?
However, no person’s story is the same. Some people feel liberated when they finally choose to leave, like they can finally be themselves and write their own story. Instead of honing in on what you were told you can’t do, consider all the things you can do now that you’re not tied down to someone else’s rules.
Ask yourself, “What’s something I always wanted out of my faith that I can finally get?” and run with it.
The Masjid is Not the Only Place That Forms Your Values
People who grew up without religion still have strong values. Just because you leave your religious institution doesn’t mean you leave your values behind with it. After all, you still have your faith and your history.
Lean on what you know to be true—the reasons why you chose to leave in the first place.
Members leave religious institutions for many reasons. One is the discrepancy between praying in a setting that “loves all” but rejects people in marginalized communities. Another is that some political and personal interpretations of religious scripture encourage misogyny and patriarchy. And mosques are not immune to racism and colorism among believers. There are so many implications and expectations for Muslims, including whether or not they choose to observe Ramadan, or if they choose to wear hijab.
Reconciling the Loss When You Have Multiple Marginalized Identities
In 2016, a Muslim transgender woman named Lynn founded Masjid al-Rabia in Chicago. A 2018 NPR story described it as a masjid where all Islamic sects, sexualities, and gender identities are welcome.
Some institutions are stricter than others, and yours might have felt like a nightmare, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one out there that fits your needs. Finding the right religious community for you requires patience, vulnerability, and exploration.
Working with a therapist is a great way to reconcile hard feelings about leaving a religious community. We need both spirituality and community to live a fulfilling life, but the good news is that spirituality has many different looks.
Let’s paint yours from scratch together, so you can live a life without constantly feeling fearful or worthless.
Therapy for LGBTQ+ Muslims in Long Beach and California
Prospect Therapy is a queer + trans affirming therapy practice based in Long Beach, CA, with a focus on mental health for first-generation, immigrant, and bicultural communities. We continue to provide online therapy for a variety of mental wellness and relationship concerns to clients throughout the state of California. Learn more about how we bring lived experience to our work with people of all ages in our communities by requesting a consultation below.