How does Generational Trauma happen?
Many of us have family members who struggled through The Great Depression. Families had to cut back on expenses, save everything, and live in a period of great scarcity. Despite this event happening two generations ago, the habits and responses we still have from that trauma continue to be passed down. Though many of us have not faced the same kind of economic crisis as The Great Depression, we live in its shadow because of inherited family trauma.
Inherited family trauma is when a child is indirectly exposed to the trauma of a parent, who was likely exposed to the trauma of their parent, which leads to a dangerous cycle. The parent could end up placing the child in the same situation without meaning to. If you do not confront your trauma, you will not be able to help your child going through the same thing. You will be helpless as a family instead of a united force.
Here are ways that you all can heal from inherited family trauma.
Sharing the secret burdens of generational trauma
You may think you are protecting your children if you do not discuss difficult experiences from the past. However, by sharing openly, you are modeling for them that no topic is off limits, and that people can overcome events.
It’s not actually a secret: Your loved ones sense the effect it has had on you. By pretending everything is fine, you are only confusing them. Talking out in the open builds trust and stronger relationships in your family.
This does NOT mean to dump on your family, or that a negative experience is a free pass to behave however you want. It is important that you integrate and make meaning of past trauma on your own, or with the help of a trusted professional, before you share with your loved ones.
That way you are passing down your recovery, not your pain.
Discuss the Impact of Generational Trauma
Sharing the impact of the experience is as important (or more so) than sharing the gritty details. Sometimes the details may cause vicarious trauma for your loved ones.
Not only can you share what happened as part of your family history, but also how it affected you. This way, if your kids have been going through drug abuse, anxiety, or depression, it could be because of the same traumatic experiences you went through.
For example, you may have been bullied or abused as a child. If your child is struggling through the same thing, unless they know you experienced the same thing, they might feel shame about sharing. Shared experiences bring people together and can help create solutions.
Work Together to heal Generational trauma
Pointing the blame at each other for how your trauma came about will not make it go away. Because of the cyclical nature of inherited family trauma, it is impossible to find one person to blame for anyone’s trauma.
If a number of people in your family are going through the same trauma, this is the time to work towards healing. Family therapy involves each person hearing each other’s experiences with a personalized plan of how to move forward.
There is an ongoing joke about how people go to therapy because of others in their life who won’t go to their own therapy. Even if you are the only one interested in therapy, you can still find healing.
break the cycle of generational trauma by avoiding past habits
If everyone is going to heal together as a family, that means cutting out bad habits that led to the trauma. For example, learn to control your anger, or not use drugs or alcohol to escape your feelings. Trauma will not stop if you find new ways to add to it. Continue having discussions with your family about what you are going through and find healthy ways to get through it.
Other Ways to Heal From Trauma
Sometimes, it is not enough to just talk about the trauma you have gone through. You may need to find a creative outlet for it like drawing, songwriting, or even dancing.
Prayer, religious holidays, and other shared experiences can facilitate the healing process. If you come from a religious family, this is also a good opportunity to connect spiritually. Knowing you are not alone in your trauma can lead you to a deeper commitment to ending the cycle of inherited family trauma.
Speaking to a therapist will also help you feel less alone in having someone listen to you who looks out for your best interests. Speaking to a therapist who specializes in generational trauma and is culturally aware will help you even faster. Know that you have the power to stop the cycle.
Read more about Therapy for Depression here.