Codependency is a relationship dynamic where an unhealthy reliance on each other keeps two or more people locked in a repeating dysfunctional pattern.
I often say therapy should be the only one-sided relationship you have! Therapists put their personal needs aside to make a safe space for you to practice relating to people in a more balanced way. Make use of it!
Signs You Might Be Codependent with Your Therapist
1. They’re the only person you let help you.
Studies show that you’re most likely to improve mentally if you have and make use of a strong support network. That includes friends, families, acquaintances, really anyone who makes up your contact list.
Here’s why—lowering our guard and letting people in is hard. However, it’s necessary to living a balanced, healthy life. Lean on your friends when you need to vent, your family when you need a home-cooked meal, and your coworkers when you need a little work taken off your plate.
Your therapist may be the first person you feel comfortable asking for help from, but eventually you should take the skills you learn in session and apply them to your inner circle.
2. You discuss the same issue—in the same way—every session.
Unlearning your most tightly held mistaken beliefs and reprocessing the trauma that caused them takes time. Take as long as you need to examine them from every angle and find a path forward.
However, if every session is spent obsessing over the same aspect to the same problem every time, growth will be hard. Most topics will take multiple sessions to tackle, but each session should feel distinctly different than others.
Some will be helpful, and others won’t be, but they should all offer a new perspective to you that either kick-starts momentum or crosses something off the list. In that way, they’re all pretty helpful!
3. You people-please your therapist.
If you’re afraid you’re going to disappoint or annoy your therapist, then you’re not really seeing them as a therapist. Release the desire to be their favorite client and focus on what your therapist is doing for you.
You’re paying us to help you STOP people-pleasing! How can you catch yourself in the moment? Watch for these signs…
You conflate listening to other people’s opinions with agreeing with them. In many ways, this is not acting according to your values. Pause to consider your thoughts before agreeing. Practice making time to think by using phrases like, “Interesting! I don’t know if I agree with that. In my mind…”
You take responsibility for others’ feelings. Your therapist is doing their job, and they’re well aware that mentally ill people have good days and bad days. Sharing your bad days with a therapist doesn’t hurt their feelings, it just lets them know that you are comfortable being honest with them. That’s a MAJOR win in any therapist’s book!
You apologize often. This is a hard habit to break, especially for women. “Sorry” has become a filler word in our vocabulary, completely unlinked to our feelings of failure. Practice showing gratitude instead of offering apologies. Instead of saying, “Sorry I forgot to say my affirmations this morning,” try, “Thank you for reminding me about my affirmations!”
You use a lot of words to avoid saying, “No.” Psst… I have a secret for you… “No.” is a full sentence. I know, wild! If you constantly leave things up in the air because you don’t know how to reject an offer, you’re adding more anxiety to your plate while you wait to eventually say, “Something came up—sorry!” Most people find it more helpful to know from the get-go so they can plan accordingly—so just say it.
4. You know how they feel about you personally.
Of course your therapist is always on your side! However, it’s our job to help you figure out how you want to live your life most authentically. Sure, we have our own personal opinions, but for the sake of your mental health, we don’t want to coerce you into a decision.
Maintain control and power over your own life by letting your therapist be your therapist and letting your friends be your friends.
Therapy for Codependency in Long Beach and California
Prospect Therapy is a queer + trans affirming therapy practice based in Long Beach, CA, with a focus on mental health for first-generation, immigrant, and bicultural communities. We continue to provide online therapy for a variety of mental wellness and relationship concerns to clients throughout the state of California. Learn more about how we bring lived experience to our work with people of all ages in our communities by requesting a consultation below.