One of the most commonly misunderstood facts about attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is that it can affect anyone at literally any age. Though commonly diagnosed in childhood, many people go through their entire adolescence with ADHD — without realizing it. In fact, the older someone gets, the more difficult it can be to actually pinpoint and diagnose the signs or symptoms.
Adults may be more prone to write off symptoms as something else, like anxiety or stress. Especially if the thoughts, feelings, or struggles have been present their entire lives. But ADHD is far more than just fidgeting your leg or not being able to sit still. There are millions of adults who are living with ADHD but don’t know it. But they don’t have to.
Here are some of the unexpected signs of adult ADHD you may be struggling with buy may completely overlook as ADHD:
You Struggle in Relationships
People with ADHD tend to get bored, restless, or distracted more quickly than those who don’t have it. While this can mean literally getting bored of doing something in the moment or easily going on distracted tangents, this can translate to boredom in a broader sense. Because of this internal restlessness, many adults with ADHD have a hard time maintaining relationships.
As relationships become more comfortable and predictable, you may feel like you are becoming more and more restless or distracted from things outside of the relationship. This can lead to inattentiveness, which may become an issue in a romantic relationship if it starts spawning conflict and fighting.
It also may be harder to follow through on tasks that your partner requests of you. A couples therapist not well-versed in ADHD may look right past this as “you not trying” in the relationship, or your partner being too demanding. However, the way you communicate, process information, or follow through on tasks may be affected by ADHD.
Your Child Has ADHD
Did you know that ADHD can be genetic? If your child has ADHD, there’s a strong chance that another family member has it, too. It can often come directly from the parent, so it’s key to pay attention to your child’s behavior in a way you might not have considered: does it remind you of yourself as a child? Or maybe they are exactly the same as your spouse or partner? If so, the genetic component may be coming from you.
You’re a Risk Taker
People with ADHD crave stimulation — and what better way to get that adrenaline rush than through risky activities? If you’re a fan of skydiving, fast driving, or even gambling, it could be a sign of ADHD. The constant need for that intense and extreme level of adrenaline can be extremely soothing to your brain when it’s in need of dopamine.
However the risk taking doesn’t always have to involve jumping out of a plane. This can also extend into things in your everyday life, such as major investments, substance abuse, or starting fights. Extramarital affairs also fall into the risky behavior category. Urges to sabotage, rooted in seeking excitement or disruption of monotony, may be related to ADHD.
You’re Always Losing Things
Have you ever set your phone down somewhere, only to forget where it is an hour later? Everyone can be forgetful sometimes, but if it seems like you’re always losing track of things, it could be a sign of ADHD.
Forgetfulness can be caused by a lot of different ADHD factors. One factor can be distraction; with all the racing thoughts and ideas in your brain, you can immediately forget where you put something because you’re already on to a new task or idea. Another can be inattentiveness. If you have ADHD and set something down without really paying attention, your brain doesn’t remember the event. Thus, you’re frequently losing or misplacing everyday objects like your phone or keys.
This can also lead to leaving objects in completely random places, because while your body was physically doing one thing, your brain was working on another. Don’t be too surprised if one day your missing phone is hanging out in the refrigerator.
You Have Trouble Focusing on just one task, or you hyperfocus only on one task.
An inability to focus is a hallmark symptom of ADHD. However, as an adult, it may be harder to pinpoint this symptom in your life. If you have trouble focusing at work, perform poorly, or find it unbearably mundane, it could be due to ADHD.
You may overlook this sign because even though you feel this way constantly, you still get your work done. After all, there isn’t another option, right? This leads to many adults assuming that everyone feels this way about their job. But constantly feeling like tasks are easy for everyone but you or wondering why you can’t seem to perform at what you’re capable of are not burdens you have to carry around every day.
Most of your decisions are spur-of-the-moment
Some people are more prone to impulsivity than others. This can totally be related to personality types, environmental factors, and many other things. However, if you’re an adult with ADHD, you may be extremely prone to impulsivity — to the point where it negatively impacts your life.
Have you ever quit your job on a whim with nothing to move on to? May you’ve emptied your savings account for an idea you just had this morning? Or had unprotected sex without giving much, if any, thought to the consequences? These impulsive actions can be dangerous to your health, safety, and stability. And they can also be major signs of ADHD.
You Can’t Relax
Many adults have trouble relaxing. There is a lot of stigma in the current culture of side hustles, burnout, and raised societal standards. But those with ADHD may have even more every day problems to cope with than the average adult, which can compound and make their life a constant cycle of restlessness.
The inability to relax can also be a sign of anxiety, which is a far more common area to treat. This is often the first go-to for people when attempting to treat the burnout of a fast-paced life. However, if you have trouble relaxing in any sense of the word (and are more prone to turn to drugs or alcohol to help), it could be due to ADHD.
Coming to Terms With ADHD
None of these things on this list necessarily means you have ADHD. You should definitely not use this as a checklist of symptoms.
Instead, it’s meant to help you understand how some of the seemingly unrelated factors in your life might be related to your ADHD.
If you’re an adult who realizes they may have ADHD, it can come as a shock. There is still a lot of stigma around ADHD in adults, and it can be very difficult to accept it as a part of your life. But in reality, many adults live with ADHD, and there are things you can do to cope.
First, start by seeking out a doctor to take the steps towards an official diagnosis. This may involve testing, looking at pattern behaviors, and talking about family traits.
From there, you may want to utilize treatment to help cope with the behaviors and results associated with ADHD. There are a huge variety of ways to manage what ADHD looks like in your life. Better days are on your horizon — and above all else, know that you are not alone.
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Prospect Therapy is a queer + trans affirming therapy practice based in Long Beach, CA, with a focus on mental health for first-generation, immigrant, and bicultural communities. We continue to provide online therapy for a variety of mental wellness and relationship concerns to clients throughout the state of California. Learn more about how we bring lived experience to our work with LGBTQ+ folks of all ages in our communities by requesting a consultation below.